To: Harlequin Mills & Boon Ltd.
cc: Author Jessica Notaprude
From: The Sisters of the Immaculate Love Scene (SOILS)
RWA Awards Integrity Preservation Task Force
Subject: Violation of the RITA Awards
Potential Change in Publisher Status
Dear Publisher:
Sadly, it has come to our attention that your corporation, which claims to be "the largest publisher of romantic fiction in the world", no longer publishes romance novels as defined and deemed appropriate by the Sisters of the Immaculate Love Scene.
Case in point: the novel As Steamy As It Can Be by Jessica Notaprude was found to contain the following:
1. Grossly Inappropriate Title (why not cut to the chase and call it As FILTHY As It Gets)
2. Lewd and lacivious cover art (the hero as depicted is definitely LOOKING at the heroine's partially exposed bosum)
3. Extremely offensive content (descriptions of premarital relations, extensive use of words for actual naked body parts, and the complete absence of proper, fade-to-black love scenes)
Normally SOILS would never sully our pristine ranks with such trash as Ms. Notaprude has written. Unhappily, we learned that her book had been entered into the RITA awards contest. We don't know why; it is so obviously not a romance, but we managed to get some of our members to volunteer as judges. Our long-suffering sisters then read ten or twenty words of it before -- in hysterics -- they called upon certain romance writers who have not yet fully embraced our cerebral chastity charter to ask them for a synopsis of the actual dirt involved.
After getting the disgusting scoop on Ms. Notaprude's many, many violations of true romance, we graded this book as the lowest-scoring entry in the contest. Actually, it was in the negative numbers. Ms. Notaprude has filed a useless protest with RWA over our scores, but for her benefit, and so that you do not lose your coveted publisher status with our beloved and powerful organization, we are pleased to remind you as to what constitutes a real romance:
1. A nice boy (the hero) and a virginal girl (the heroine) meet, chastely, in an appropriate setting: a historical time period predating the American Civil War, or one to which they have time-traveled, or a cowboy ranch in Texas. They must be fully-clothed and must stay dressed for the remainder of the story. They may change clothing, bathe and use the bathroom off-stage, or after the novel is over.
2. Sparks -- not ripped-off clothing -- fly between the lovers. Sparks may only consist of heated gazes, tension-filled silences, and fiery tosses of the heroine's head. Please note, we do not mean lovers in the Biblical sense of the term, but in the romantic, gazing-at-each-other-from-afar manner of real romantic lovers. Have the author imagine a wide, wildflower-speckled meadow between the hero and the heroine, and tell her to keep it there for the rest of the book.
3. The hero and the heroine fall in love. Again, chastely. They should talk about it a great deal, too. Preferably in church.
4. There is a black moment. Black as in emotionally speaking, not black as in the involvement of any African-American characters (please reference our bylaws section on how to portray any "colored" characters in romance novels) or black as in the absence of light in any room where certain premarital monkey business may happen. Also, no one should be naked or touching before, during or after this time. Remember, vows have not yet been exchanged.
5. The hero and the heroine bravely navigate through the (emotional) black moment, resolve their conflict, and reaffirm the power of love. They may share one soulful kiss at this point in the book, as long as there are no tongues or lower extremities touching.
6. The hero marries the heroine (in church), and takes her on an expensive and wildly romantic honeymoon on a completely deserted island somewhere in the South Pacific where no one will know that they're Doing It. The book should end before the wedding night begins, but a very brief fade-to-black scene that shows the hero only manfully but gently carrying the heroine into the beautiful chamber of consecrated marital bliss is acceptable here. Just assure that your author goes no further with it than the door to said chamber.
As a publisher of alleged romantic fiction, it is your responsibility to provide quality romances for today's readers. The Sisters of the Immaculate Love Scene are happy to assist you in that goal.
You will naturally have to first weed out the authors whom we have already deemed as unworthy smut mongers and prevented from being awarded any RWA honors. Repeat offenders, such as that shameless hussy Alison Kent, must be fired immediately.
As for specific books, your entire BLAZE line has to go. We're very sorry that you will lose the entire imprint, but good riddance to bad rubbish. Just throw all the books in the corporate incinerator now; you'll feel so much better. Once you have removed this filth from the shelves, please discontinue printing any other novels until we have finished reviewing your other lines and can advise you on what else to burn.
As for Ms. Notaprude, we are petitioning to have her membership in RWA revoked. She does not write romances, therefore, she should not be a member of our beloved organization. We will pray for her. Maybe.
Good luck, and crank up that incinerator,
The Sisters of the Immaculate Love Scene
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Holy Writer Trivia, Batman
A trio of holy writer trivia:
Thoth, an ancient Egyptian god of the moon, later of wisdom, was the patron deity of scribes. Rather aptly, the god was always depicted as a man with the head of an ibis, or a primate. No, I am not making this up; the god of writers was either a birdbrain or a baboon.
St. Francis de Sales is the Catholic patron saint of writers. His name was an omen, as he became a bestselling author, but he refused to accept royalties for his book Introduction to the Devout Life, which is of course why we consider him a saint.
French author and philosopher, François Marie Arouet de Voltaire, predicted that within 100 years of his time that Christianity would vanish into the obscurity of history. 50 years after Voltaire died in 1778, the Geneva Bible Society used his house and printing press to produce Bibles (and the sound of the rpms coming from his grave made more noise than the printing press.)
Thoth, an ancient Egyptian god of the moon, later of wisdom, was the patron deity of scribes. Rather aptly, the god was always depicted as a man with the head of an ibis, or a primate. No, I am not making this up; the god of writers was either a birdbrain or a baboon.
St. Francis de Sales is the Catholic patron saint of writers. His name was an omen, as he became a bestselling author, but he refused to accept royalties for his book Introduction to the Devout Life, which is of course why we consider him a saint.
French author and philosopher, François Marie Arouet de Voltaire, predicted that within 100 years of his time that Christianity would vanish into the obscurity of history. 50 years after Voltaire died in 1778, the Geneva Bible Society used his house and printing press to produce Bibles (and the sound of the rpms coming from his grave made more noise than the printing press.)
Friday, April 28, 2006
Friday 20
This has been a tough week for publishing. I was tempted to toss out something about the latest big money scandal -- weren't we all? -- but writing, reading and my own business stuff railroaded me. I made some connections, sprinted through the schedule and got rolling on two new projects, so things in my teeny corner of publishing stayed cool, calm, and ultra-Zen. Why muddy the water with the latest dirt?
I do have some provocative titles for you today, though:
Some Writers Deserve to Starve!
Talk to the Hand
Your Marketing Sucks
This trio sounds like something I might cook up for some parody posts, but in reality they are three published titles, specifically a writer's how-to, an book on etiquette and a marketing manual. Apparently contempt has become the new empathy.
Writers get hit with contempt all the time, through rejections, hatchet jobs, being passed over, all our hard work ignored, our efforts belittled, etc. In the fairy tale world of publishing, we're made to feel like the ugly stepsisters. So when one of the Cinderellas turns out to have slippers of clay, and falls on her face while she's waltzing with the prince, of course we're going to snicker, and applaud, and maybe even cheer. Contempt becomes a matter of justice. We're entitled, right? Only it doesn't make us any prettier.
On to questions: what's up with you guys this week?
I do have some provocative titles for you today, though:
Some Writers Deserve to Starve!
Talk to the Hand
Your Marketing Sucks
This trio sounds like something I might cook up for some parody posts, but in reality they are three published titles, specifically a writer's how-to, an book on etiquette and a marketing manual. Apparently contempt has become the new empathy.
Writers get hit with contempt all the time, through rejections, hatchet jobs, being passed over, all our hard work ignored, our efforts belittled, etc. In the fairy tale world of publishing, we're made to feel like the ugly stepsisters. So when one of the Cinderellas turns out to have slippers of clay, and falls on her face while she's waltzing with the prince, of course we're going to snicker, and applaud, and maybe even cheer. Contempt becomes a matter of justice. We're entitled, right? Only it doesn't make us any prettier.
On to questions: what's up with you guys this week?
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Know Thy Industry
You'll often hear authors use the phrase "major publisher." I do it all the time. But exactly who are the majors?
Everyone has an opinion as to what constitutes a major publisher. Some writers look nose-down at publishing conglomerates and coo over big independents. Others will nitpick numbers and cite entities such as textbook and comic book publishers as the hidden giants out there.
I'm practical; I define major publisher by who does the most business and can potentially pay me the most money for what I write. While statistics may vary and rankings occasionally fluctuate, the bulk of the fiction books in the U.S. market are published by one of the following corporations:
1. Bertelsmann: owns the world's largest general-interest book publisher, Random House. Some of its popular imprints are Anchor, Bantam, Crown, Doubleday, Knopf and Vintage.
2. CBS Corporation: acquired Viacom in December 2005 and with it Simon and Schuster. Some of S&S's U.S. imprints are MTV Books, Pocket, Scribner, Star Trek and Wall Street Journal Books.
3. Holtzbrinck: or, more properly, Verlagsgruppe Georg von Holtzbrinck, a corporation based in Stuttgart, Germany, which owns a group of publishing companies in the U.S. Imprints include Farrar, Henry Holt & Co., Macmillian, Picador, Tor, Bedford/St. Martin's, Straus & Giroux, and Worth.
4. Lagadere: a few months ago rocked publishing when it purchased
Time Warner Book Group, the fifth largest publisher in the U.S., for $537 million dollars. TWBG, now sporting the new banner Hachette Book Group US, has U.S. imprints such as Aspect, Mysterious Press, and Warner Forever.
5. Pearson: owns The Penguin Group and many international publishing branches. Some of its U.S. imprints are Dutton, New American Library (NAL), Penguin Putnam, Plume, Signet, and Viking (these guys are my primary publisher.)
6. News Corporation, aka Murdoch's News Corp: its book division HarperCollins Publishers, has been over the past couple of years acquiring several U.S. imprints, notably Amistad Press, Avon Books, Fourth Estate, and William Morrow & Company.
There are other major publishers, such as the world's largest publisher/distributor of children's books, Scholastic, which also publishes J.K. Rowlings' Harry Potter books, and Harlequin Mills & Boon Ltd., the largest publisher of romantic fiction in the world. I'm sure there are others outside the fiction field, too. But when you hear an author talk about major fiction publishers, they're generally referring to one of the six corporations I've listed.
Everyone has an opinion as to what constitutes a major publisher. Some writers look nose-down at publishing conglomerates and coo over big independents. Others will nitpick numbers and cite entities such as textbook and comic book publishers as the hidden giants out there.
I'm practical; I define major publisher by who does the most business and can potentially pay me the most money for what I write. While statistics may vary and rankings occasionally fluctuate, the bulk of the fiction books in the U.S. market are published by one of the following corporations:
1. Bertelsmann: owns the world's largest general-interest book publisher, Random House. Some of its popular imprints are Anchor, Bantam, Crown, Doubleday, Knopf and Vintage.
2. CBS Corporation: acquired Viacom in December 2005 and with it Simon and Schuster. Some of S&S's U.S. imprints are MTV Books, Pocket, Scribner, Star Trek and Wall Street Journal Books.
3. Holtzbrinck: or, more properly, Verlagsgruppe Georg von Holtzbrinck, a corporation based in Stuttgart, Germany, which owns a group of publishing companies in the U.S. Imprints include Farrar, Henry Holt & Co., Macmillian, Picador, Tor, Bedford/St. Martin's, Straus & Giroux, and Worth.
4. Lagadere: a few months ago rocked publishing when it purchased
Time Warner Book Group, the fifth largest publisher in the U.S., for $537 million dollars. TWBG, now sporting the new banner Hachette Book Group US, has U.S. imprints such as Aspect, Mysterious Press, and Warner Forever.
5. Pearson: owns The Penguin Group and many international publishing branches. Some of its U.S. imprints are Dutton, New American Library (NAL), Penguin Putnam, Plume, Signet, and Viking (these guys are my primary publisher.)
6. News Corporation, aka Murdoch's News Corp: its book division HarperCollins Publishers, has been over the past couple of years acquiring several U.S. imprints, notably Amistad Press, Avon Books, Fourth Estate, and William Morrow & Company.
There are other major publishers, such as the world's largest publisher/distributor of children's books, Scholastic, which also publishes J.K. Rowlings' Harry Potter books, and Harlequin Mills & Boon Ltd., the largest publisher of romantic fiction in the world. I'm sure there are others outside the fiction field, too. But when you hear an author talk about major fiction publishers, they're generally referring to one of the six corporations I've listed.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Stalled and Driven
Most writers become acquainted one time or another with the creative mental brick wall called writer's block. Basically, those wonderful times when the words end up on one side while the writer beats his head against the other. I once thought writer's block was an avoidance mechanism, sort of like fainting spells were for Victorian women, but over the years I've seen too many friends suffer through it to doubt its authenticity or tenacity.
The alleged flip side of writer's block is a condition called hypergraphia, aka the uncontrollable urge to write or produce in other media. Van Gogh apparently suffered from it, as did Dostoevsky and Stevenson (although the latter may have induced it via cocaine abuse.) Not all prolific writers are hypergraphic, but we're usually accused of it at some point or another during our careers.
A few years back, neurologist and Harvard Medical School teacher Dr. Alice W. Flaherty made some minor ripples with her book about both conditions, The Midnight Disease, which examined the creative mind as it suffers through both disorders. Although any mention of writer's block garners instant empathy from colleagues, there wasn't a lot of weeping around the industry over the plight of the hypergraphic. Like being thin and rich, apparently there is no such thing as writing too much. Unless it's someone else who's doing it, and selling it.
The late Dr. Norman Geschwind, another Harvard notable who made a name for himself in behavioral neurology, cited hypergraphia as a symptom of epilepsy; one of eighteen special personality farts created by temporal lobe complex partial seizures. He labeled those afflicted as victims of interictal personality disorder. That most prolific writers and artists do not have epilepsy was merely one of those tiny insignificant details that must have escaped his notice.
I don't agree with the diagnosis of hypergraphia as being a catch-all explanation for the prolific. Nor do I think everyone with writer's block is suffering from PMS. Labels won't stick to everyone; there are some things that can't be mapped out by an EEG or shoved under the microscope of science and given a common diagnosis. To me, the creative mind and its ability to produce (or lack thereof) is as individual as a fingerprint.
Writers, when you find yourself stalled or driven with your work, what do you think is the main culprit? Or is it different every time?
The alleged flip side of writer's block is a condition called hypergraphia, aka the uncontrollable urge to write or produce in other media. Van Gogh apparently suffered from it, as did Dostoevsky and Stevenson (although the latter may have induced it via cocaine abuse.) Not all prolific writers are hypergraphic, but we're usually accused of it at some point or another during our careers.
A few years back, neurologist and Harvard Medical School teacher Dr. Alice W. Flaherty made some minor ripples with her book about both conditions, The Midnight Disease, which examined the creative mind as it suffers through both disorders. Although any mention of writer's block garners instant empathy from colleagues, there wasn't a lot of weeping around the industry over the plight of the hypergraphic. Like being thin and rich, apparently there is no such thing as writing too much. Unless it's someone else who's doing it, and selling it.
The late Dr. Norman Geschwind, another Harvard notable who made a name for himself in behavioral neurology, cited hypergraphia as a symptom of epilepsy; one of eighteen special personality farts created by temporal lobe complex partial seizures. He labeled those afflicted as victims of interictal personality disorder. That most prolific writers and artists do not have epilepsy was merely one of those tiny insignificant details that must have escaped his notice.
I don't agree with the diagnosis of hypergraphia as being a catch-all explanation for the prolific. Nor do I think everyone with writer's block is suffering from PMS. Labels won't stick to everyone; there are some things that can't be mapped out by an EEG or shoved under the microscope of science and given a common diagnosis. To me, the creative mind and its ability to produce (or lack thereof) is as individual as a fingerprint.
Writers, when you find yourself stalled or driven with your work, what do you think is the main culprit? Or is it different every time?
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
What's Sad?
1. Meeting a mega-bestselling millionaire author whose hair color and style can only be described as "trailer park skank."
2. Seeing a colleague's self-promo postcard show up on PostSecret.
3. Reading an interview of a colleague who uses three pages of important-sounding four- and five-syllable terms to detail a personal writing process that can be summarized in eight words: I just sit home and make up shit.
4. Having a writer acquaintance forward truly hateful e-mails written about you that he/she's received from a colleague you don't know and have never met, and being asked not to say anything about them.
5. Going to a bookstore to purchase a book by talented writer friend with career woes, being unable to find it on the shelf, and then running into a big, gorgeous book dump for a no-talent twit who can't write a path out of a brown bag.
5a. Being tempted to kick in the sides of the stupid twit writer's pretty book dump, or rip the covers of every one of the forty copies it contains.
6. Wishing things could be different for so many while knowing that no matter what you do, say or try things will likely remain the same or get worse for most.
7. All the campaigning for awards under the crotch-hold of writer organizations, but especially the unsolicited pathetic vote-for-me letter & book package.
8. Making up ten lists about what's sad in the publishing industry.
9. Finding a writer friend's best work on a remainder table.
10. Giving up, not trying, or running away from it all.
Any you guys want to add?
2. Seeing a colleague's self-promo postcard show up on PostSecret.
3. Reading an interview of a colleague who uses three pages of important-sounding four- and five-syllable terms to detail a personal writing process that can be summarized in eight words: I just sit home and make up shit.
4. Having a writer acquaintance forward truly hateful e-mails written about you that he/she's received from a colleague you don't know and have never met, and being asked not to say anything about them.
5. Going to a bookstore to purchase a book by talented writer friend with career woes, being unable to find it on the shelf, and then running into a big, gorgeous book dump for a no-talent twit who can't write a path out of a brown bag.
5a. Being tempted to kick in the sides of the stupid twit writer's pretty book dump, or rip the covers of every one of the forty copies it contains.
6. Wishing things could be different for so many while knowing that no matter what you do, say or try things will likely remain the same or get worse for most.
7. All the campaigning for awards under the crotch-hold of writer organizations, but especially the unsolicited pathetic vote-for-me letter & book package.
8. Making up ten lists about what's sad in the publishing industry.
9. Finding a writer friend's best work on a remainder table.
10. Giving up, not trying, or running away from it all.
Any you guys want to add?
Monday, April 24, 2006
Timely Ten
Ten Things About Writer Concepts of Time
1. A sec: A unit of time that equals approximately twenty minutes. Example: when a writer says I need to run into the bookstore for a sec, he means I need to run into the bookstore, stand in front of my shelf, face out my title, stare at it and chew on my lip.
2. Done: If followed by the sound of a head hitting a desk or monitor, the writer's book is finished and ready to mail out to the publisher. If not, the writer needs another week to work on it. Maybe two.
3. Fast: few writers use this unrealistic term, as it applies to nothing in the publishing industry.
4. Five minutes: The most common synonym used by writers for sixty minutes.
5. Forever: The precise amount of time it takes for an editor to read a proposal, an agent to return a phone call, a GOH to finish speaking or a first novel to be published.
6. Now: An expression of incredulous outrage a writer applies to any non-emergency request made of her in the middle of her writing time, i.e. You want me to do that now?
7. One Hour: The approximate amount of time it takes for a confident writer to type the first five words that follow the phrase Chapter One. For nervous writers, depending on the level of anxiety, see definitions for one month, one year and one decade.
8. Someday: An expression describing a point in the hopefully near future when the writer's most intimate fantasies will come true; the day when the writer will be wealthy, the day the writer will land a big contract, or the day the writer's worst enemy will get his or hers while the writer watches and consumes popcorn.
9. Tomorrow: The exact time when the writer will start or finish something not related to writing, or the much hoped-for ETA of someday.
10. Yesterday: A nebulous time frame a writer assigns to any accomplished task not related to writing the work in progress, i.e. What do you mean the grass is up to your hips? I just mowed the lawn yesterday.
1. A sec: A unit of time that equals approximately twenty minutes. Example: when a writer says I need to run into the bookstore for a sec, he means I need to run into the bookstore, stand in front of my shelf, face out my title, stare at it and chew on my lip.
2. Done: If followed by the sound of a head hitting a desk or monitor, the writer's book is finished and ready to mail out to the publisher. If not, the writer needs another week to work on it. Maybe two.
3. Fast: few writers use this unrealistic term, as it applies to nothing in the publishing industry.
4. Five minutes: The most common synonym used by writers for sixty minutes.
5. Forever: The precise amount of time it takes for an editor to read a proposal, an agent to return a phone call, a GOH to finish speaking or a first novel to be published.
6. Now: An expression of incredulous outrage a writer applies to any non-emergency request made of her in the middle of her writing time, i.e. You want me to do that now?
7. One Hour: The approximate amount of time it takes for a confident writer to type the first five words that follow the phrase Chapter One. For nervous writers, depending on the level of anxiety, see definitions for one month, one year and one decade.
8. Someday: An expression describing a point in the hopefully near future when the writer's most intimate fantasies will come true; the day when the writer will be wealthy, the day the writer will land a big contract, or the day the writer's worst enemy will get his or hers while the writer watches and consumes popcorn.
9. Tomorrow: The exact time when the writer will start or finish something not related to writing, or the much hoped-for ETA of someday.
10. Yesterday: A nebulous time frame a writer assigns to any accomplished task not related to writing the work in progress, i.e. What do you mean the grass is up to your hips? I just mowed the lawn yesterday.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
While I'm Writing
I apologize for being a bit scarce and off-schedule; my editor dumped an emergency weekend job in my lap and I have only 48 hours to (among other things) be brilliant, charming and inspire a production team. Yes, it's probably hopeless.
Around the blogosphere:
We're all pretty much fluorescent green over Alison Kent's beautiful new cover art. My reaction: "Damn, does that woman ever get BAD cover art?"
Marjorie M. Liu has posted all the info about a very cool Dorchester contest for unpubbed writers over at her place.
Stuart MacBride goes above and beyond as he is interviewed on BBC Radio Scotland.
Scott Oden has an interesting meme over at his place in which he reveals some things you might not know about Scott Oden.
Mr. Rickards is back from Israel and, as far as we know, did not cause any international incidents.
Shannon Stacey crunches numbers and speculates on how important Wal-Mart may be to boosting them over at Romancing the Blog.
Everyone should go and admire Kristopher Reisz's new cover art right this minute. This one is going to leap off the shelves.
Around the blogosphere:
We're all pretty much fluorescent green over Alison Kent's beautiful new cover art. My reaction: "Damn, does that woman ever get BAD cover art?"
Marjorie M. Liu has posted all the info about a very cool Dorchester contest for unpubbed writers over at her place.
Stuart MacBride goes above and beyond as he is interviewed on BBC Radio Scotland.
Scott Oden has an interesting meme over at his place in which he reveals some things you might not know about Scott Oden.
Mr. Rickards is back from Israel and, as far as we know, did not cause any international incidents.
Shannon Stacey crunches numbers and speculates on how important Wal-Mart may be to boosting them over at Romancing the Blog.
Everyone should go and admire Kristopher Reisz's new cover art right this minute. This one is going to leap off the shelves.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Boy/Girl
I've got a micro-poll on the cover art for the Darkyn novels: do you all like the male faces, or would you prefer to see female faces? (the cover art for Dark Need over there on the right sidebar is an example; that's Darkyn book #3)
Please post your answers and/or opinions in comments.
Please post your answers and/or opinions in comments.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Oh dear
From reader e-mail (posted with permission):
Did you know that your next novel will be shipped on June 6th, 2006? 6/6/6.
Uh-oh. Does this mean I have to apologize now to that ninth grade English teacher who called me the AntiChrist?
Kidding. I can't be the Angel of the Bottomless Pit. He's supposed to be a guy. And, as I have been assured since infancy, Jesus is my friend. Think about it; would our Savior be pals with the Lawless One, whom He shall slay with the breath of His mouth, and bring to naught by the manifestation of His coming? I don't think so.
I also don't see me causeth-ing all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads, either. I have trouble just parallel parking. Besides, my mother hates tattoos; she'd kill me. Would you piss off someone who possibly gave birth to theSon Daughter of Perdition? Exactly.
Still, it would explain the psychic powers, superhuman speed, and that annoying swarm of locust that keeps following me around town. Hmmmm. Does anyone know if Satan offers decent health insurance plans?
Did you know that your next novel will be shipped on June 6th, 2006? 6/6/6.
Uh-oh. Does this mean I have to apologize now to that ninth grade English teacher who called me the AntiChrist?
Kidding. I can't be the Angel of the Bottomless Pit. He's supposed to be a guy. And, as I have been assured since infancy, Jesus is my friend. Think about it; would our Savior be pals with the Lawless One, whom He shall slay with the breath of His mouth, and bring to naught by the manifestation of His coming? I don't think so.
I also don't see me causeth-ing all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads, either. I have trouble just parallel parking. Besides, my mother hates tattoos; she'd kill me. Would you piss off someone who possibly gave birth to the
Still, it would explain the psychic powers, superhuman speed, and that annoying swarm of locust that keeps following me around town. Hmmmm. Does anyone know if Satan offers decent health insurance plans?
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
No Lemons, Thank You
While out hunting down links, I came across an amusing article written by Sarah Stodola on The Top Ten Novel Titles of All Time. Amusing not as in written that way, as the lady is obviously in earnest (okay, maybe she was joking) but in that I've not read a single book on the list. They're all great works of literature, I'm sure.
All right, I'm not an utter Philistine; I did read a couple of the honorable mentions. The Name of the Rose rocked, as did Sense and Sensibility.
Thing is, I don't think any of these great titles are really all that great. Lemon? That's something we all try not to buy from the car salesman. Atlas Shrugged? I'm sure Atlas also reached back and scratched his ass sometime, too, but I wouldn't title my book after it. The Sun Also Rises? Wow, really? It doesn't just set? Who knew?
If you want to qualify for my list of the ten greatest titles of all time, you can't trade on your literary status. And you've got to give me a little more than body language, sunshine and fruit.
I don't think I could do a greatest list -- there are too many terrific titles out there -- but here are some that left a deep impression on me:
Diplomacy of Wolves: Not only is this a great title, but it's the novel in three words, and I will envy it for eternity. By Holly Lisle.
No Victor, No Vanquished: The title of Edgar O'Ballance's study of the 1973 Arab-Israeli War. This title actually made me buy this book.
The Sea Remembers: Peter Throckmorton's big book on shipwrecks and archaeology from Homer's Greece to the rediscovery of the titanic. It's beautiful and sad and a chilling reminder.
Cats in Cyberspace: the only title for Beth Hilgartner's novel, told from the POV of two computer-savvy house cats (I wrote the intro to this one so I'm a little prejudiced.)
Got any world's greatest title contenders of your own?
All right, I'm not an utter Philistine; I did read a couple of the honorable mentions. The Name of the Rose rocked, as did Sense and Sensibility.
Thing is, I don't think any of these great titles are really all that great. Lemon? That's something we all try not to buy from the car salesman. Atlas Shrugged? I'm sure Atlas also reached back and scratched his ass sometime, too, but I wouldn't title my book after it. The Sun Also Rises? Wow, really? It doesn't just set? Who knew?
If you want to qualify for my list of the ten greatest titles of all time, you can't trade on your literary status. And you've got to give me a little more than body language, sunshine and fruit.
I don't think I could do a greatest list -- there are too many terrific titles out there -- but here are some that left a deep impression on me:
Diplomacy of Wolves: Not only is this a great title, but it's the novel in three words, and I will envy it for eternity. By Holly Lisle.
No Victor, No Vanquished: The title of Edgar O'Ballance's study of the 1973 Arab-Israeli War. This title actually made me buy this book.
The Sea Remembers: Peter Throckmorton's big book on shipwrecks and archaeology from Homer's Greece to the rediscovery of the titanic. It's beautiful and sad and a chilling reminder.
Cats in Cyberspace: the only title for Beth Hilgartner's novel, told from the POV of two computer-savvy house cats (I wrote the intro to this one so I'm a little prejudiced.)
Got any world's greatest title contenders of your own?
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
For Fun
For everyone looking for a new name for their weblog, the Blog Name Generator will use your keywords or come up with something entirely at random. Let's see what they got for me:
Paperback Writer Vacancy -- the blog for when I'm out of town.
Paperback Writer World -- Sure, let me run it for a while.
Paperback Writer Notes -- P/U comet, dog food and Cin. Toast. Crunch from store.
Paperback Writer Silhouette -- Casting a funny-looking shadow since 1998
Paperback Writer Kingdom -- Not going to trade it for a horse, okay?
Paperback Writer Compulsions -- tempting, but . . . no, let's not go there.
Paperback Writer Maniac -- Cue the song from Flashdance! Perfect!
As usual, link brazenly lifted off The Generator Blog.
Paperback Writer Vacancy -- the blog for when I'm out of town.
Paperback Writer World -- Sure, let me run it for a while.
Paperback Writer Notes -- P/U comet, dog food and Cin. Toast. Crunch from store.
Paperback Writer Silhouette -- Casting a funny-looking shadow since 1998
Paperback Writer Kingdom -- Not going to trade it for a horse, okay?
Paperback Writer Compulsions -- tempting, but . . . no, let's not go there.
Paperback Writer Maniac -- Cue the song from Flashdance! Perfect!
As usual, link brazenly lifted off The Generator Blog.
Monday, April 17, 2006
No Box Ten
Ten Things on Outside-the-Box Marketing
1. Guest speaking: Author Samuel J. Alibrando is using radio talk show interviews to promote his book on intelligent design, Nature Never Stops Talking.
2. Matchmaking: Authors @ Your Library helps connect publishers and libraries to schedule author events.
3. Readers love free stuff: Authors such as Holly Lisle offer free e-book versions of their work for readers on their web sites. You can make e-books for free as well; check out some of the pdf file services I posted links to here.
4. If you build it, they will come and read: Create an ezine by pooling your resources with other writers or flying solo. Builder sites like EZine Director offer free help and services to get you launched.
5. Getting it out there: Using services like MediaOffer.com to distribute free product while recipients provide marketing and contact info in return, as seen with this comic book giveaway.
6. Pick a peck of podcasts?: Podcast lovers might want to check out the services offered over at Podcast Pickle, the "first podcast and vidcast community."
7. Cooking up a storm in sales: PublishingTrends.com has an old but still interesting article on how Chefs Shake Up the Cookbook Market.
8. The good news and the bad news upfront: Advertising for Kenneth R. Timmerman's book Countdown to Crisis included both positive and negative blurbs under ad headers of "Who Likes It" and "Who Hates It."
9. Art as marketing: Douglas Clegg teamed up with artist Caniglia to create unique artwork for his first Vampyricon novel, The Priest of Blood, which he then used for special edition covers, free screensavers, and other collectible items availble for purchase to his readers.
10. Play to read: Online advergames like Young Bond help interest the gaming generation in print books. Popular advergames have the potential to reach more than 40% of internet users.
If you know of any unusual or non-traditional methods of marketing books, please post something about it in comments.
1. Guest speaking: Author Samuel J. Alibrando is using radio talk show interviews to promote his book on intelligent design, Nature Never Stops Talking.
2. Matchmaking: Authors @ Your Library helps connect publishers and libraries to schedule author events.
3. Readers love free stuff: Authors such as Holly Lisle offer free e-book versions of their work for readers on their web sites. You can make e-books for free as well; check out some of the pdf file services I posted links to here.
4. If you build it, they will come and read: Create an ezine by pooling your resources with other writers or flying solo. Builder sites like EZine Director offer free help and services to get you launched.
5. Getting it out there: Using services like MediaOffer.com to distribute free product while recipients provide marketing and contact info in return, as seen with this comic book giveaway.
6. Pick a peck of podcasts?: Podcast lovers might want to check out the services offered over at Podcast Pickle, the "first podcast and vidcast community."
7. Cooking up a storm in sales: PublishingTrends.com has an old but still interesting article on how Chefs Shake Up the Cookbook Market.
8. The good news and the bad news upfront: Advertising for Kenneth R. Timmerman's book Countdown to Crisis included both positive and negative blurbs under ad headers of "Who Likes It" and "Who Hates It."
9. Art as marketing: Douglas Clegg teamed up with artist Caniglia to create unique artwork for his first Vampyricon novel, The Priest of Blood, which he then used for special edition covers, free screensavers, and other collectible items availble for purchase to his readers.
10. Play to read: Online advergames like Young Bond help interest the gaming generation in print books. Popular advergames have the potential to reach more than 40% of internet users.
If you know of any unusual or non-traditional methods of marketing books, please post something about it in comments.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Title Recall
There's a rather provocative article here about novel titles being "recycled" by authors. Mira editor Margaret Marbury is quoted in it as saying, "Most really good titles have been used before. It's very hard to find something completely original."
Title repeats do happen. After I published Heat of the Moment, I discovered that Olga Bicos also had a book with the same title. My editor shortening Dance Into the Fire to Into the Fire put me in a herd of other authors who have used the same title, including Don Pendleton, Che Ahn, Anne Stuart, Alexander Fullerton, Richard Laymon, Leslie Kelly, David Wiltse, and Jeffrey S. Savage.
I can't always avoid a repeat, but since the last two JH books I've been making a real effort to cook up titles that are unique to my work. Raiding old poetry for ideas, as I did for my titles If Angels Burn and Private Demon, seems to work best for me. When my publisher condensed my title Darkness Has No Need to Dark Need, I tried my method in reverse, did a search on the new title, and found a poem by Caroline Southey that suited the novel. Which I needed, because I could no longer use the fragment of Byron's poem with the original title as an intro verse.
I can't agree with the article because I don't think all the really good titles are gone. I think all the really easy ones are. If you want a title unique to your book, you simply have to work a little harder. I've recently begun searching The Library of Congress online catalog whenever I come up with a possible title. If I can't find it in LoC's 12 million title records, I figure I'm good to go.
How are you guys cooking up your titles and avoiding repeats these days?
Title repeats do happen. After I published Heat of the Moment, I discovered that Olga Bicos also had a book with the same title. My editor shortening Dance Into the Fire to Into the Fire put me in a herd of other authors who have used the same title, including Don Pendleton, Che Ahn, Anne Stuart, Alexander Fullerton, Richard Laymon, Leslie Kelly, David Wiltse, and Jeffrey S. Savage.
I can't always avoid a repeat, but since the last two JH books I've been making a real effort to cook up titles that are unique to my work. Raiding old poetry for ideas, as I did for my titles If Angels Burn and Private Demon, seems to work best for me. When my publisher condensed my title Darkness Has No Need to Dark Need, I tried my method in reverse, did a search on the new title, and found a poem by Caroline Southey that suited the novel. Which I needed, because I could no longer use the fragment of Byron's poem with the original title as an intro verse.
I can't agree with the article because I don't think all the really good titles are gone. I think all the really easy ones are. If you want a title unique to your book, you simply have to work a little harder. I've recently begun searching The Library of Congress online catalog whenever I come up with a possible title. If I can't find it in LoC's 12 million title records, I figure I'm good to go.
How are you guys cooking up your titles and avoiding repeats these days?
Friday, April 14, 2006
Friday 20
Does success spoil the average novelist? Are most of us equipped to become Dan Browns, J.K. Rowlings, or John Grishams? What happens when by fate or luck or sheer talent, you leave 99% of your colleagues behind and zoom up there into the upper stratosphere of publishing? Do you become instantly friendless? Does trust become something you hoard or eliminate? Can you believe anything your agent, editor or publisher say to you?
I don't know the answers, but I'll be happy to serve as a test lab rat*.
Actually I'm wary of too much success. I haven't the wardrobe or temperment for it. I don't much like what it does to some people in the cranium and posterior departments. What goes up? Must come down. I've also observed the overnight success types becoming instant whipping posts for anyone with an envy grudge. The money is nice, but the cost to your soul may be a little hard to handle.
Now that you're properly depressed, any questions for me this week?
*My answer is yes, btw, to anyone who wants to offer me a couple of million for my next book. I'm crabby, cautious and suspicious, but I'm not stupid. And think of all the book touring money you'd save on me...
I don't know the answers, but I'll be happy to serve as a test lab rat*.
Actually I'm wary of too much success. I haven't the wardrobe or temperment for it. I don't much like what it does to some people in the cranium and posterior departments. What goes up? Must come down. I've also observed the overnight success types becoming instant whipping posts for anyone with an envy grudge. The money is nice, but the cost to your soul may be a little hard to handle.
Now that you're properly depressed, any questions for me this week?
*My answer is yes, btw, to anyone who wants to offer me a couple of million for my next book. I'm crabby, cautious and suspicious, but I'm not stupid. And think of all the book touring money you'd save on me...
Take a Deep Breath Winners
Before we get into the Friday 20, thanks to everyone who participated in the Deep Breath giveaway. I went from smiles to tears, prayer to laughter. You also reminded me once again to be grateful for the small wonders we so often take for granted.
The names of the giveaway winners are:
Liz (as we have comments by more than one Liz, this one began with: Every time I read Guy Gavriel Kay's The Summer Tree.)
azteclady
Jaye Patrick
Twila Price
Angelle
motorboating
Alice
Angie T
TECH
Nancy J. Bond
Winners, please e-mail your full name and ship-to address to LynnViehl@aol.com so I can get these books out to you. As always, I don't use your personal info for any other reason but to mail out the books. Also, if you've sent your address to me in the past for another giveaway, please send it to me again. I know it's a bit of a pain, but I always erase the addresses and info after I've done the mailout.
The names of the giveaway winners are:
Liz (as we have comments by more than one Liz, this one began with: Every time I read Guy Gavriel Kay's The Summer Tree.)
azteclady
Jaye Patrick
Twila Price
Angelle
motorboating
Alice
Angie T
TECH
Nancy J. Bond
Winners, please e-mail your full name and ship-to address to LynnViehl@aol.com so I can get these books out to you. As always, I don't use your personal info for any other reason but to mail out the books. Also, if you've sent your address to me in the past for another giveaway, please send it to me again. I know it's a bit of a pain, but I always erase the addresses and info after I've done the mailout.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
In Praise
A small avalanche of e-mail requests have recently come in asking me for quotes and recs here on PBW, or asking me why I chose so-and-so's novel, how come I wrote this or that, etc.
Making endorsements is tough for me. For one thing, I'm still new at it, and I have no procedure to follow. I'm still fumbling with how to do it, as well as how often, for whom and so forth. I'm also aware of a certain freak value being attached to me because of past endorsements, so I'm getting even more leery about making them.
I can't write glowing, artfully worded blurbs. You know, the ones that sound a lot like those intimate scenes from certain romance novels where actual sex acts, body parts, and fluids are never mentioned, but lots of euphemisms throb and bud and dampen? Right. Can't do that. So my endorsements take a lot of time and thought, and still tend to be, shall we say, colorful. This makes editors nuts, btw, and some of them want to reword my quotes to be thus glowy and arty, which is also something I generally nix, creating even more headaches for all involved.
I also go out on numerous limbs when I endorse something. I know plenty of writers who don't sweat it, but personally, I put my rep on the line every time I do. My attitude is that I'm asking people to spend money based on my word, and that's something I take very seriously. To combat the rampant cronyism out there, I prefer to endorse writers who are total strangers to me, but in one instance that came back to bite me on the ass, so that's always a risk, too. This is all why I don't toss out quotes and recs like handfuls of confetti.
As far as reading manuscripts goes, I truly am quoted out at present. I don't intend to stop forever but my batteries need some recharging. I still recommend books here, and I'll keep doing that as I come across books I think you'll enjoy. There is no agenda. I'm a reader, you're readers, and I'll let you know when I find something I think is worth your time and money and then some.
There are good reasons to endorse other writers, and it's not simply to help them out. For example, this came in e-mail this week (posted with permission):
You certainly are doing something right! Your recommendation for Nightlife was right on. The book is slick, scary and YUM. I can hardly tear myself away from reading it to write this, and I can't wait to see what the audacious midpoint surprise that you mentioned turns out to be. If the rest of the book delights me as it has so far, I'll definitely be putting the word out. :) --Suzy
There are a couple of great things about what Suzy wrote. One is that she apparently got sucked into the book as quickly as I did. She's endorsing my endorsement, so to speak. The other is that despite the fact that I have recommended Nightlife, and she's reading a free copy, she's still reserving judgment until she finishes the book. Suzy is not a pushover or a suck-up, and I respect that. As reader responses go, this one is damn near perfect. As in, this is exactly what I want when I quote or rec something.
Let me point out one more thing to dispel some odd assumptions. I cannot make anyone into another J.R. Ward by the awesome power of my super endorsement of their book. Guys, my endorsements aren't that awesome or powerful or super. Nothing I did made J.R. Ward a success.* She accomplished that all on her own with her talent, imagination and hard work. Don't make me into some kind of rabbit's foot for books. I'm not.
Questions, thoughts, opposing opinions? Please post them in comments.
*I reserve the right to occasionally gloat about being SO right about her, though.
Making endorsements is tough for me. For one thing, I'm still new at it, and I have no procedure to follow. I'm still fumbling with how to do it, as well as how often, for whom and so forth. I'm also aware of a certain freak value being attached to me because of past endorsements, so I'm getting even more leery about making them.
I can't write glowing, artfully worded blurbs. You know, the ones that sound a lot like those intimate scenes from certain romance novels where actual sex acts, body parts, and fluids are never mentioned, but lots of euphemisms throb and bud and dampen? Right. Can't do that. So my endorsements take a lot of time and thought, and still tend to be, shall we say, colorful. This makes editors nuts, btw, and some of them want to reword my quotes to be thus glowy and arty, which is also something I generally nix, creating even more headaches for all involved.
I also go out on numerous limbs when I endorse something. I know plenty of writers who don't sweat it, but personally, I put my rep on the line every time I do. My attitude is that I'm asking people to spend money based on my word, and that's something I take very seriously. To combat the rampant cronyism out there, I prefer to endorse writers who are total strangers to me, but in one instance that came back to bite me on the ass, so that's always a risk, too. This is all why I don't toss out quotes and recs like handfuls of confetti.
As far as reading manuscripts goes, I truly am quoted out at present. I don't intend to stop forever but my batteries need some recharging. I still recommend books here, and I'll keep doing that as I come across books I think you'll enjoy. There is no agenda. I'm a reader, you're readers, and I'll let you know when I find something I think is worth your time and money and then some.
There are good reasons to endorse other writers, and it's not simply to help them out. For example, this came in e-mail this week (posted with permission):
You certainly are doing something right! Your recommendation for Nightlife was right on. The book is slick, scary and YUM. I can hardly tear myself away from reading it to write this, and I can't wait to see what the audacious midpoint surprise that you mentioned turns out to be. If the rest of the book delights me as it has so far, I'll definitely be putting the word out. :) --Suzy
There are a couple of great things about what Suzy wrote. One is that she apparently got sucked into the book as quickly as I did. She's endorsing my endorsement, so to speak. The other is that despite the fact that I have recommended Nightlife, and she's reading a free copy, she's still reserving judgment until she finishes the book. Suzy is not a pushover or a suck-up, and I respect that. As reader responses go, this one is damn near perfect. As in, this is exactly what I want when I quote or rec something.
Let me point out one more thing to dispel some odd assumptions. I cannot make anyone into another J.R. Ward by the awesome power of my super endorsement of their book. Guys, my endorsements aren't that awesome or powerful or super. Nothing I did made J.R. Ward a success.* She accomplished that all on her own with her talent, imagination and hard work. Don't make me into some kind of rabbit's foot for books. I'm not.
Questions, thoughts, opposing opinions? Please post them in comments.
*I reserve the right to occasionally gloat about being SO right about her, though.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Take a Deep Breath
In addition to running a terrific contest for her readers, Alison Kent has been conducting a unique marketing experiment via a viral blogging blitz for her latest release, Deep Breath.
The contest is definitely a dazzler, but I like the viral blogging experiment even more. I don't think I've ever seen an author try this buy-one-blog-one-get-one-free approach, but it makes all kinds of sense. Everyone who buys the book wins (something you simply can't do with a contest.) This is because Alison doesn't just think outside the box, often she tears it down and rebuilds it from the ground up.
I think it's a smart investment. To rephrase a comment I made over at Vanessa's, the best representation of any writer's work is the work itself. People usually throw out postcards, bookmarks and widgets, but books command a little more respect. Most folks pass along, trade or donate books, which creates another opportunity to snag a new reader (which is exactly what the resale of used books does, but that's a debate for another post.) It is more expensive -- writers get only a limited number of author copies, and shipping anywhere these days ain't cheap -- but I believe your work and your future readership are worth it.
Another thing that helps is talent, and in that department Alison Kent is a powerhouse. Oh, yeah, she didn't get that Quills nomination just for her pretty cover art; the woman can write like Indian Jones handles a whip. And although I'm extremely hung up on the hero from The Bane Affair, I think Deep Breath is her best work to date.
You know what's going to be very interesting? Watching where Alison Kent goes from here.
I'm also going to back up my rec for Deep Breath with the real deal. In comments to this post, name someone or something that leaves you breathless by midnight EST on Thursday, April 13, 2006. I'll draw ten names at random from all those who participate and send the winners an unsigned copy of Deep Breath by Alison Kent. Names of the winners will be posted here on the weblog by noon EST on Friday, April 14, 2006. Giveaway open to everyone on the planet, even if you've won something here at PBW in the past.
The contest is definitely a dazzler, but I like the viral blogging experiment even more. I don't think I've ever seen an author try this buy-one-blog-one-get-one-free approach, but it makes all kinds of sense. Everyone who buys the book wins (something you simply can't do with a contest.) This is because Alison doesn't just think outside the box, often she tears it down and rebuilds it from the ground up.
I think it's a smart investment. To rephrase a comment I made over at Vanessa's, the best representation of any writer's work is the work itself. People usually throw out postcards, bookmarks and widgets, but books command a little more respect. Most folks pass along, trade or donate books, which creates another opportunity to snag a new reader (which is exactly what the resale of used books does, but that's a debate for another post.) It is more expensive -- writers get only a limited number of author copies, and shipping anywhere these days ain't cheap -- but I believe your work and your future readership are worth it.
Another thing that helps is talent, and in that department Alison Kent is a powerhouse. Oh, yeah, she didn't get that Quills nomination just for her pretty cover art; the woman can write like Indian Jones handles a whip. And although I'm extremely hung up on the hero from The Bane Affair, I think Deep Breath is her best work to date.
You know what's going to be very interesting? Watching where Alison Kent goes from here.
I'm also going to back up my rec for Deep Breath with the real deal. In comments to this post, name someone or something that leaves you breathless by midnight EST on Thursday, April 13, 2006. I'll draw ten names at random from all those who participate and send the winners an unsigned copy of Deep Breath by Alison Kent. Names of the winners will be posted here on the weblog by noon EST on Friday, April 14, 2006. Giveaway open to everyone on the planet, even if you've won something here at PBW in the past.
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