Here it is, the list of books and authors who took my E-book Challenge. This is one of the largest collections of free e-books by a group of writers as diverse as we are, so there is probably something here for every type of reader.
If you find any links that don't work, please report them in comments to this post. If you sent me an entry and it's not listed here, please e-mail me at PBWChallenge@aol.com and we'll get you on the list.
Congratulations to everyone who contributed; you all did a fantastic job with this challenge.
Happy reading and Happy Halloween!
Free E-books by Our Challengers
Going Back by Jenny Aspin
Something snaps and you make choices that will turn your life upside down. New experiences await, now you're living and there's no going back.
One on One by Sandra Barret
In a competition between conscience and libido, will anyone get the girl in the end? (Romance)
Pelican Point by Rachel Brown
Contemporary Christian romance set on the Australian Central Coast. (Christian Romance)
The Horse Master by Joely Sue Burkhart
The Horse Master leaves the stables to tame his High Queen. (Fantasy Romance)
The Office Mercenary by Molly Burkhart
A dark satire about the perils of office work and the depths to which we stoop to survive it.
To See You With by Zoe Cannon
A woman breaks free of her family’s curse… or does she? (Horror)
The Weaveling, by Dean Cochrane
Olivia has killed her husband. To escape the hangman, she must enter a dark world, and things take a turn for the weird. (Dark Western Fantasy)
Stroke It by Cassandra Curtis
Erotic romance writer recouperates at luxury hotel after grueling book tour and gets the massage of a lifetime by handsome massuer with a secret technique. (Erotic Paranormal Romance Short Story)
Collected Tales from the Second Saturday Psychos (sent in by Paul Darcy)
A collection of ten tales by diverse Canadian hands inspired by life, death, candy and once a month events . . . but not those events. (Horror, Humour & Heartbreaks)
A Matter of Tradition by Andria Davis
Bryane spent five years in exile before the King's death drew her home - into the hands of a murderer. (Fantasy)
The Familiar’s Witch by A.E. Dillings
Unsuspecting young woman helps friends, finds true destiny, studies witchcraft, fights hell hounds, while trying to break curse. (Urban Fantasy)
At the Foot of the Throne, by Noel Lynne Figart
Rags to riches and finding True Love is not always all that the fairy tales say. As two countries stand on the brink of war, a young villager finds herself thrown into the center of the conflict.
Moonlit Desire Anthology by Becca Furrow
Escape into the dark with three short paranormal romances. (Erotic Paranormal Romance)
Cooper's Promise by Susan Gibb
When everything goes wrong, look to God...and something you did in your past when you thought no one was either listening or watching. (Literary Fiction)
PSI by Lazette Gifford
Two strangers join forces to stop a madman from creating chaos on Terra Nova...but can they keep their own dangerous secrets hidden? (Science Fiction)
Trick or Treat by Rachel Gossett
Even though Aidan was born into a family of magic, he denies its existence. That is, until it becomes too hard to deny. (Fantasy)
Left Turn, by Samantha Gossett
Left turn: Technique for successfully negotiating a maze, no matter who or what is in there with you. (Fantasy)
Jasfoup's Dribbles by Rachel Green
100 collected drabbles that examine the lives and loves, and sardonic humour, of the demon Jasfoup and his almost-mortal friend Harold. (Satire, Humour, Dark Fantasy)
The Trial by Mervi Hämäläinen
A girl of 16 is accused of murdering a nobleman and a Knight of justice and peace has to find out the truth. (Fantasy, Crime Fiction)
Octoberland by Cynthia Harrison
Small business owner Laura hones her telepathic powers to help her family survive in a town beseiged by an unseen evil. (Paranormal)
Postpartum Euphoria by Bethany Hiitola
With a sip of morning brew, Leslie does what every corporate employee dreams--climbs atop her desk shouting obscenities. Has she all but lost it? (Women's Fiction)
Fire by Tamara Siler Jones
Lars Hargrove has his first case. (Coming of Age/Crime)
Maybe Forever by May K
Unforgiven Pleasure by Tempest Knight
In the war between the Sentinels and the night creatures, the unforgiven pleasure will start with a kiss. (Erotic Paranormal Romance)
Demon Rescuer by Racy Li
A touch telepath whose ability fades the more she trusts. Only strangers can be trusted...Still, there's something odd about this mystery man... (Erotic Paranormal Romance)
A Half Life of One by Bill Liversidge
How far would you go to save your family from ruin? Nick Dowty went all the way...
Kelsey's Secret by Jennifer Macaire
After a car accident that cost her life, a woman wakes up in a little girl's body. (Science Fiction)
Dark of the Day by Selah March
She's dying, and wants to take the easy way out. His mission is to convince her to her keep fighting. Can he do it? Or will she choose death over love? (Erotic Paranormal Romance)
My Lucky Charmer by Patrice Michelle
An unlucky woman’s life turns around the day after she ditches her sexy blind date. (Romance)
Ingeld's Daughter by Carla Nayland
An heiress and a mysterious swordsman set out to free her lands from her evil husband. (Historical)
Body and Soul by Carter Nipper (Speculative Fiction)
DayStrider by Jaye Patrick
Preternatural hunter and the human cop who hates her, hunt a serial killer monster... who is waiting for her. (Dark Fantasy)
Testimonies 1910 & Elementary, My Dear Twain by Bill Peschel
Two short stories; one about a supernatural form of revenge, while Mark Twain calls on Sherlock Holmes to unravel a knotty problem. (Crime Fiction)
Stories from the Back Forty by E. M. Phelan
A compilation of short horror taradiddles from the homestead. (Horror)
Vampire Mom to the Rescue by Victoria L. Pierce
A soccer mom becomes Vampire Mom then tries to save her family from being murdered with the help of the man who turned her. (Paranormal Romance)
Three and a Half Lines by Megan Powell
An Edo woman longing for divorce is spurred to action by a strange friendship. (Fantasy)
The Betrayed by Joanie Raisovich
Four strangers find themselves accused of morality crimes and face a lifetime of living on the fringe of society. (Speculative Fiction)
Freeing Miha by Jodi Ralston (Dark Fantasy)
Beginnings by Nat Rogers
Yellow Brick Roadkill by Michelle Rowen
Girl meets boy in a magical land. She also meets a talking mouse, a snobby robot, and an evil beeyotch who wants to kill her. (Fantasy)
The Frain Legacy by Darlene Ryan
Reid Frain got the family charm, talent, and great hair genes. Will he have to commit murder to get the rest of The Frain Legacy? (Mystery)
Museum Rendezvous by Lia Sebastian
When Olivia attends a museum opening, she isn't expecting to meet a man...or to enjoy an evening rendezvous. (Erotic Romance)
Little Girl on the Beach by Tracy Sharp
A young couple happens upon a quaint bed and breakfast during a Saturday drive and decide to stay for the weekend. They check in, but will they ever check out? (Horror)
While We Wait by J.M. Snyder
A brief encounter with a gay couple in a doctor's office waiting room causes Jason to take an uncomfortable look at his own lonely, promiscuous lifestyle. (Gay Fiction)
Jungle Heat by Sydney Somers
When a hunt for a priceless medallion turns deadly, the only person Calypso Reed can count on is the one man she wants to forget. (Adventure/Romantic Suspense)
Night Rhythm by Charlene Teglia
Valentine waited centuries for his lost love to be reborn. But now that he's found her, can he persuade her to love him again? (Erotic Romance ~ Vampire)
Exposed by J.A. Terry
A gripping tale of what happens when two souls collide and their worlds explode. (Romantic Suspense)
Midnight Blues by Lynn Viehl
Lonely vampire cop fights to save human nun from immortal sadist who wants them both. (Dark Fantasy)
The White Room: Control by Sasha White(scroll down Past Travel Stories, Writing Articles to Erotic Fiction)
Two erotic short shorts to tease and please those who find control, or the loss of it, exciting. Includes excerpts for coming works. (Erotica)
Under A Midnight Moon by Cora Zane
After their two Werekind packs merge into one, Chase Tillman spots Betsey at a party and learns territory isn't the only thing worth fighting over. (Erotic Paranormal Romance, Shapeshifter, Werewolf Fiction, Adult)
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Monday, October 30, 2006
E-Minus 9 Hours
One last nudge on PBW E-book Challenge:
The Final Update Post has links to useful info and links about cover art, content and other stuff from the other challenge update posts.
Trace's book blog note: "If anyone wants to set up a blog for their book, the link on blogger is here. They describe how to post a book on blogger. It's pretty easy."
The deadline is midnight EST tonight, but if you have problems uploading or something goes boom and you need a bit more time (time in this context meaning a couple of hours, not days, weeks, months, etc.) just e-mail me and let me know. I will add you into the list tomorrow.
This is it, guys. See you all here tomorrow. :)
PBW's E-book Challenge Instructions:
E-mail me at PBWChallenge@aol.com with the following by midnight EST on Monday, October 30, 2006:
The title and byline for your e-book
Example: Midnight Blues by Lynn Viehl
The URL for your e-book download file, or the URL for where your e-book can be read online.
Example: http://pbackwriter.blogspot.com
Optional (this will be included with your link listing on PBW):
A short (25 words or less) premise, teaser or description of your e-book.
Example: Lonely vampire cop fights to save human nun from immortal sadist who wants them both.
What genre, if any, your e-book is written in.
Examples: Dark Fantasy, Science Fiction, Fantasy, Romance, Mystery, Crime Fiction, etc.
Note: Do not send me the file for your e-book or any attachments.
The Final Update Post has links to useful info and links about cover art, content and other stuff from the other challenge update posts.
Trace's book blog note: "If anyone wants to set up a blog for their book, the link on blogger is here. They describe how to post a book on blogger. It's pretty easy."
The deadline is midnight EST tonight, but if you have problems uploading or something goes boom and you need a bit more time (time in this context meaning a couple of hours, not days, weeks, months, etc.) just e-mail me and let me know. I will add you into the list tomorrow.
This is it, guys. See you all here tomorrow. :)
PBW's E-book Challenge Instructions:
E-mail me at PBWChallenge@aol.com with the following by midnight EST on Monday, October 30, 2006:
The title and byline for your e-book
Example: Midnight Blues by Lynn Viehl
The URL for your e-book download file, or the URL for where your e-book can be read online.
Example: http://pbackwriter.blogspot.com
Optional (this will be included with your link listing on PBW):
A short (25 words or less) premise, teaser or description of your e-book.
Example: Lonely vampire cop fights to save human nun from immortal sadist who wants them both.
What genre, if any, your e-book is written in.
Examples: Dark Fantasy, Science Fiction, Fantasy, Romance, Mystery, Crime Fiction, etc.
Note: Do not send me the file for your e-book or any attachments.
Image Ten
Ten Things To Do With Images
Freeware caution: always scan free downloads of anything for bugs and other threats before dumping the programs into your hard drive.
1. Check out the instructions over at Cursor Images to make a static or animated cursor image for your website.
2. Create lots of cool stuff with images and fd's flickr toys.
3. Uticasoft offers Image Browser Arctic, a multi-functional graphics viewer freeware for Windows.
4. The extremely cool Mosaic Image Generator* will turn any pic you upload into a high-quality mosaic.
5. Become a Digital Image Processing Wizard with PaintStar freeware.
6. Retouch your pics and more with Photobie freeware.
7. Dan Ritchie provides a freeware version of the uniquely-named Project DogWaffle for folks who like to paint and animate.
8. Make your own sliding puzzle and send it to friends with an image you upload to SlidingPuzzle.com.
9. Like concrete poetry, only better: Text-Image.com will convert online any image you have into pictoral text.
10. Create interesting headers with The Online Logo Generator.
*Link swiped from The Generator Blog
Freeware caution: always scan free downloads of anything for bugs and other threats before dumping the programs into your hard drive.
1. Check out the instructions over at Cursor Images to make a static or animated cursor image for your website.
2. Create lots of cool stuff with images and fd's flickr toys.
3. Uticasoft offers Image Browser Arctic, a multi-functional graphics viewer freeware for Windows.
4. The extremely cool Mosaic Image Generator* will turn any pic you upload into a high-quality mosaic.
5. Become a Digital Image Processing Wizard with PaintStar freeware.
6. Retouch your pics and more with Photobie freeware.
7. Dan Ritchie provides a freeware version of the uniquely-named Project DogWaffle for folks who like to paint and animate.
8. Make your own sliding puzzle and send it to friends with an image you upload to SlidingPuzzle.com.
9. Like concrete poetry, only better: Text-Image.com will convert online any image you have into pictoral text.
10. Create interesting headers with The Online Logo Generator.
*Link swiped from The Generator Blog
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Misc.
Our blog pal Trace sent me a helpful note and link for challengers who may not have a host site for their entry:
"If anyone wants to set up a blog for their book, the link on blogger is here. They describe how to post a book on blogger. It's pretty easy."
Just in time for Halloween, Trace also has some posts on spooky experiences and seeing evil over at her place this week.
Time-related nag: Folks affected by Daylight Savings Time, do remember to set your clocks back 1 hour.
Health/Time-related nag: It's also traditional in the U.S. to change the batteries in home and business smoke detectors when we reset our clocks, but this year I'd like to remind folks up north to also change the batteries in your carbon monoxide detectors, or to consider getting some if you don't have them for your home.
Carbon monoxide (CO) remains the most common type of accidental poisoning in the U.S., averaging in 40,000 emergency cases each year. Although death rates due to CO poisoning have dropped, thanks largely to a better-educated public, even non-fatal CO poisoning cases may result in the victim's early death due to heart damage.
CO originates from incomplete combustion from any flame-fueled (not electric) appliances like stoves, fireplaces, heaters, or anything that produces an open flame, especially if they're not vented properly. CO detectors have to be placed in specific areas in order for them to function correctly, so if you do invest in one, please be sure to read the instructions.
PBW's E-book Challenge Instructions:
E-mail me at PBWChallenge@aol.com with the following by midnight EST on Monday, October 30, 2006:
The title and byline for your e-book
Example: Midnight Blues by Lynn Viehl
The URL for your e-book download file, or the URL for where your e-book can be read online.
Example: http://pbackwriter.blogspot.com
Optional (this will be included with your link listing on PBW):
A short (25 words or less) premise, teaser or description of your e-book.
Example: Lonely vampire cop fights to save human nun from immortal sadist who wants them both.
What genre, if any, your e-book is written in.
Examples: Dark Fantasy, Science Fiction, Fantasy, Romance, Mystery, Crime Fiction, etc.
Note: Do not send me the file for your e-book or any attachments.
"If anyone wants to set up a blog for their book, the link on blogger is here. They describe how to post a book on blogger. It's pretty easy."
Just in time for Halloween, Trace also has some posts on spooky experiences and seeing evil over at her place this week.
Time-related nag: Folks affected by Daylight Savings Time, do remember to set your clocks back 1 hour.
Health/Time-related nag: It's also traditional in the U.S. to change the batteries in home and business smoke detectors when we reset our clocks, but this year I'd like to remind folks up north to also change the batteries in your carbon monoxide detectors, or to consider getting some if you don't have them for your home.
Carbon monoxide (CO) remains the most common type of accidental poisoning in the U.S., averaging in 40,000 emergency cases each year. Although death rates due to CO poisoning have dropped, thanks largely to a better-educated public, even non-fatal CO poisoning cases may result in the victim's early death due to heart damage.
CO originates from incomplete combustion from any flame-fueled (not electric) appliances like stoves, fireplaces, heaters, or anything that produces an open flame, especially if they're not vented properly. CO detectors have to be placed in specific areas in order for them to function correctly, so if you do invest in one, please be sure to read the instructions.
PBW's E-book Challenge Instructions:
E-mail me at PBWChallenge@aol.com with the following by midnight EST on Monday, October 30, 2006:
The title and byline for your e-book
Example: Midnight Blues by Lynn Viehl
The URL for your e-book download file, or the URL for where your e-book can be read online.
Example: http://pbackwriter.blogspot.com
Optional (this will be included with your link listing on PBW):
A short (25 words or less) premise, teaser or description of your e-book.
Example: Lonely vampire cop fights to save human nun from immortal sadist who wants them both.
What genre, if any, your e-book is written in.
Examples: Dark Fantasy, Science Fiction, Fantasy, Romance, Mystery, Crime Fiction, etc.
Note: Do not send me the file for your e-book or any attachments.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Winners
Really excellent comments this week. Surprising, thoughtful, emotional, the whole rollercoaster. We never forget those reckless dreams, do we?
One of mine was to go looking for Kim, a boy I met via an international penpal program through my school. He was extremely cute when we were ten, and although we lost touch I never got over him. Sometimes I wonder if there's a middle-aged Korean man out there somewhere who occasionally wishes he'd come to America in search of me. I was pretty cute, too.
Anyway, time to give away some books.
The winner for the Friday 20/Afterburn mm edition giveaway is Blogeois.
The winners for the Reiszing the Bar giveaway for a copy of Tripping to Somewhere are:
Furious
Melissa
Heather
Hanna
Kate R
Ris
Mike
Cynthia Bagley
Valerie Comer
Zornhau
All winners, please e-mail your full name and ship-to address to LynnViehl@aol.com so I can get these books out to you. My thanks to everyone who joined in and made it fun.
One of mine was to go looking for Kim, a boy I met via an international penpal program through my school. He was extremely cute when we were ten, and although we lost touch I never got over him. Sometimes I wonder if there's a middle-aged Korean man out there somewhere who occasionally wishes he'd come to America in search of me. I was pretty cute, too.
Anyway, time to give away some books.
The winner for the Friday 20/Afterburn mm edition giveaway is Blogeois.
The winners for the Reiszing the Bar giveaway for a copy of Tripping to Somewhere are:
Furious
Melissa
Heather
Hanna
Kate R
Ris
Mike
Cynthia Bagley
Valerie Comer
Zornhau
All winners, please e-mail your full name and ship-to address to LynnViehl@aol.com so I can get these books out to you. My thanks to everyone who joined in and made it fun.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Friday 20
I'm going to be self-centered and post a couple of personal updates this week:
Got approval for Darkyn book #5, which will be a story about Jayr, Byrne and Locksley. They liked my choice for the title, too, so this one is hereby permanently dubbed Evermore.
I'm finalizing plans for the next two StarDoc novels, tentatively titled Drednoc (book #8) and Crystal Healer (book #9) for my editor's approval. From there I turn it over to the agent and they hopefully hash out a deal. Nothing is absolute yet, but at present it's looking very good.
New cover art for Night Lost, Gabriel Seran's story and Darkyn book #4, is imminent. I'll also be including a brand-new, exclusive excerpt from NL in Midnight Blues my e-book for the challenge next week (which is a ham-handed hint for the rest of you pubbed folks joining in the challenge to do the same.)
I also promised to give away a copy of the mass market edition of Afterburn this week, so I will pick one name at random from everyone who leaves a comment to this post (you can ask a question as usual, or just throw your name in the hat) by midnight EST tonight (Friday, October 27, 2006.) I'll send the winner a signed copy of Afterburn the paperback, along with a signed mass market edition of Bio Rescue so you have a matching pair.
Got approval for Darkyn book #5, which will be a story about Jayr, Byrne and Locksley. They liked my choice for the title, too, so this one is hereby permanently dubbed Evermore.
I'm finalizing plans for the next two StarDoc novels, tentatively titled Drednoc (book #8) and Crystal Healer (book #9) for my editor's approval. From there I turn it over to the agent and they hopefully hash out a deal. Nothing is absolute yet, but at present it's looking very good.
New cover art for Night Lost, Gabriel Seran's story and Darkyn book #4, is imminent. I'll also be including a brand-new, exclusive excerpt from NL in Midnight Blues my e-book for the challenge next week (which is a ham-handed hint for the rest of you pubbed folks joining in the challenge to do the same.)
I also promised to give away a copy of the mass market edition of Afterburn this week, so I will pick one name at random from everyone who leaves a comment to this post (you can ask a question as usual, or just throw your name in the hat) by midnight EST tonight (Friday, October 27, 2006.) I'll send the winner a signed copy of Afterburn the paperback, along with a signed mass market edition of Bio Rescue so you have a matching pair.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Final E-book Challenge Update
We've come a long way since August, when I originally posted the E-book challenge. Since then, we've talked about maintaining story quality, making your own cover art, getting the word out and interesting readers, types of fonts to use, and finishing what we start. Halloween, the challenge deadline, is five days away.
For the challengers: you've accomplished a lot in eight weeks. You've written or buffed up a story from start to finish. You've gone through most of the steps all professional writers, editors, cover artists and publishers do with producing print books -- and you've probably done most or all of it alone. You've created a marketing tool, but you're also adding to the free content on the internet, something we all love. Bravo.
For those of you who for whatever reason couldn't join in: don't beat yourself up over it. Let me! Seriously, I understand that day jobs, families and life's other-than-writing responsibilities have to come first, so don't sweat it. This challenge has been so much fun that I'll definitely be having another one in 2007.
Editors and agents: you're always on the hunt for new talent, right? Here's an easy, non-postal, no pressure way to find it. Please take a few moments when you can and stop by to have a look at our challengers.
Readers: This is all free, and all for you. If you like what you read, please check out any other work the authors have available in print or online. If you find some stories that you think a friend would enjoy, please pass along the links. If you've got a blog and want to link to the challenge or any of the individual entries, please do -- these writers have worked hard, and anything you can do to help promote the results will be greatly appreciated.
Challenge Instructions (which will be posted again over the weekend and on Monday):
E-mail me at PBWChallenge@aol.com with the following by midnight EST on Monday, October 30, 2006:
The title and byline for your e-book
Example: Midnight Blues by Lynn Viehl
The URL for your e-book download file, or the URL for where your e-book can be read online.
Example: http://pbackwriter.blogspot.com
Optional (this will be included with your link listing on PBW):
A short (25 words or less) premise, teaser or description of your e-book.
Example: Lonely vampire cop fights to save human nun from immortal sadist who wants them both.
What genre, if any, your e-book is written in.
Examples: Dark Fantasy, Science Fiction, Fantasy, Romance, Mystery, Crime Fiction, etc.
Note: Do not send me the file for your e-book or any attachments.
For the challengers: you've accomplished a lot in eight weeks. You've written or buffed up a story from start to finish. You've gone through most of the steps all professional writers, editors, cover artists and publishers do with producing print books -- and you've probably done most or all of it alone. You've created a marketing tool, but you're also adding to the free content on the internet, something we all love. Bravo.
For those of you who for whatever reason couldn't join in: don't beat yourself up over it. Let me! Seriously, I understand that day jobs, families and life's other-than-writing responsibilities have to come first, so don't sweat it. This challenge has been so much fun that I'll definitely be having another one in 2007.
Editors and agents: you're always on the hunt for new talent, right? Here's an easy, non-postal, no pressure way to find it. Please take a few moments when you can and stop by to have a look at our challengers.
Readers: This is all free, and all for you. If you like what you read, please check out any other work the authors have available in print or online. If you find some stories that you think a friend would enjoy, please pass along the links. If you've got a blog and want to link to the challenge or any of the individual entries, please do -- these writers have worked hard, and anything you can do to help promote the results will be greatly appreciated.
Challenge Instructions (which will be posted again over the weekend and on Monday):
E-mail me at PBWChallenge@aol.com with the following by midnight EST on Monday, October 30, 2006:
The title and byline for your e-book
Example: Midnight Blues by Lynn Viehl
The URL for your e-book download file, or the URL for where your e-book can be read online.
Example: http://pbackwriter.blogspot.com
Optional (this will be included with your link listing on PBW):
A short (25 words or less) premise, teaser or description of your e-book.
Example: Lonely vampire cop fights to save human nun from immortal sadist who wants them both.
What genre, if any, your e-book is written in.
Examples: Dark Fantasy, Science Fiction, Fantasy, Romance, Mystery, Crime Fiction, etc.
Note: Do not send me the file for your e-book or any attachments.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Reiszing the Bar
Being a teen was not bliss for me. The only good times I had were the years I spent reading through libraries and serving in the military. By the time I was nineteen, I could field-strip an M-16, recite Shakespeare's plays from memory and jumpstart a heart -- and yet adults still treated me like a student in need of a lecture, a puppy off the leash, or a cute chick with a nice rack.
Prepped as I was by Kris's blog to be caught up by his prose, Tripping to Somewhere still short-sheeted me. Be warned, ye Soccer Moms and Little League Dads, The Princess Diaries it's not. Kris didn't pen the usual Ditzney teen girl fantasy composed to reassure us grownups that sugarplums, Prince Charming and Saving It For the Honeymoon are the only things dancing in those pretty little heads. Instead, he gives us a dark and often harrowing urban fantasy about two quite authentic teen girls who do what most of us wished we could back when we were dousing ourselves in Ten-O-Six Lotion: go reckless, damn the consequences, escape our lives and chase the dream we were almost sure was out there.
The magic in this novel isn't only the Witches' Carnival (although it is surreal, hip and very intriguing) or a road trip in search of them and everything (which is dark, scary and so real you feel like you're riding shotgun); it's Kris Reisz's story wizardry and shining honesty on the page. By the time you get to the ending, which I think Rilke himself would have called beautiful and brave, you might catch a glimpse of your teen years in this novel, and whatever was your personal Witches' Carnival.
I am saved from performing the established author coo about how promising Kristopher Reisz is as a writer. Is there anything more insulting than that condescending crap? But even if I was that snotty, I wouldn't have to; he's already made good on the promise with his debut novel.
But as always, you don't have to take my word for it. In comments to this post, tell us about one wild, reckless or magical thing that you wanted to do at some point in your life. Post no later than midnight EST on Friday, 10/27/06. I'll draw ten names at random from everyone who participates and send the winners an unsigned copy of Tripping to Somewhere by Kristopher Reisz. Giveaway is open to everyone on the planet, even if you've won something here at PBW in the past.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
The Only Good Writer
Failure Magazine touts itself as "the online publication full of humankind's boldest missteps." Nothing to make you feel better about yourself than to read about how badly the other guy screwed up, eh? Anyway, Failure's Julia M. Klein names author Louis L'Amour as one of these missteppers in the mag's arts & entertainment section, evidently justifying the honor because one-third of his sales have happened after his death.
I think we should figure out just where Louis L'Amour screwed up so that we don't make the same mistake. Of course the only good writer is a dead writer, but while he was alive, Louis was mainly a working writer. That rules out him being an unemployed deadbeat. Bummer. He was a self-educated dude, and the lack of a pedigree does make him seem a bit scruffy. We all know how stupid people who don't attend college are. His attitude, geez, what can I say. He thought of himself as just another guy telling stories around the campfire. Does that not shriek loser?
Louis L'Amour's existence is easily classified as a total waste. First, ignore the fact that he published 130 books, and countless articles, short stories and myriad other works. Editors must have felt bad for the poor slob. Don't ask people to name a classic Western author, because they'll probably say Louis L'Amour. I'm sure it's out of sheer pity. Some cowboy movies were made based on his books -- thirty of them? -- which obviously underlines what a big ZERO he was. Maybe. Somehow. Give me a minute here.
All right, I can't think of a reason off the top of my head. But Louis L'Amour had to know how utterly worthless a human being he was because he missed out on all that lovely cash. After all, cash IS cash. I bet you that when he died of cancer at age 80, he thought, "Gee, I wish I'd held out for some bigger advance checks."
This pathetic man lived his life doing what he loved, and he left behind an embarrassingly large body of work in print, and Hollywood loved him, but he didn't make billions, so he sucked. If you aren't in this gig for the Almighty Buck pile, babe, you're nobody and nothing. Everybody knows that.
But thank you, Failure magazine, for reminding us not to follow the same sorry sadass career dirt road as Louis L'Amour. Instead we'll devote ourselves to becoming more like the brilliant chick who wrote this valuable cautionary tale.
Uh, what was her name again?
I think we should figure out just where Louis L'Amour screwed up so that we don't make the same mistake. Of course the only good writer is a dead writer, but while he was alive, Louis was mainly a working writer. That rules out him being an unemployed deadbeat. Bummer. He was a self-educated dude, and the lack of a pedigree does make him seem a bit scruffy. We all know how stupid people who don't attend college are. His attitude, geez, what can I say. He thought of himself as just another guy telling stories around the campfire. Does that not shriek loser?
Louis L'Amour's existence is easily classified as a total waste. First, ignore the fact that he published 130 books, and countless articles, short stories and myriad other works. Editors must have felt bad for the poor slob. Don't ask people to name a classic Western author, because they'll probably say Louis L'Amour. I'm sure it's out of sheer pity. Some cowboy movies were made based on his books -- thirty of them? -- which obviously underlines what a big ZERO he was. Maybe. Somehow. Give me a minute here.
All right, I can't think of a reason off the top of my head. But Louis L'Amour had to know how utterly worthless a human being he was because he missed out on all that lovely cash. After all, cash IS cash. I bet you that when he died of cancer at age 80, he thought, "Gee, I wish I'd held out for some bigger advance checks."
This pathetic man lived his life doing what he loved, and he left behind an embarrassingly large body of work in print, and Hollywood loved him, but he didn't make billions, so he sucked. If you aren't in this gig for the Almighty Buck pile, babe, you're nobody and nothing. Everybody knows that.
But thank you, Failure magazine, for reminding us not to follow the same sorry sadass career dirt road as Louis L'Amour. Instead we'll devote ourselves to becoming more like the brilliant chick who wrote this valuable cautionary tale.
Uh, what was her name again?
Monday, October 23, 2006
Proposition Ten
Ten Things About Novel Proposals, Queries and Synopses
Freeware caution: always scan free downloads of anything for bugs and other threats before dumping the programs into your hard drive.
1. CVitae freeware is mainly for resume writing and submission, but it has a cover letter section that might be helpful when you're putting together simultaneous submissions, or prefer to use/store the same query letter for your proposal. For a freeware program just for letter writing, check out The Form Letter Machine.
2. Shery Ma Belle Arrieta over at AbsoluteWrite.com offers Don't Fall Into The Query Letter Quandary!, an interview with John Wood, author of How to Write Attention-Grabbing Query & Cover Letters.
3. Absolute Write.com's Kelly James-Enger's article, Make the Perfect Pitch: The Novel Query.
4. Joe Nassise's post on Storytellers Unplugged, Novel Proposals.
5. Phrase Express is a clipboard utility freeware that allows you to organize, store and cut-n-paste frequently used text (like headers, openers, paragraphs and sig blocks from your query letter) into any application.
6. Beth Amos' article Query and Synopsis.
7. Fiction Connections' article on the do's and don'ts of Query Letters.
8. Terry Irene Blain's online free course, Basics of Writing the Romance Novel, includes lessons on the synopsis, query and proposal.
9. Jessica Page Morrell's article Tips on Writing a Synopsis.
10. Priscilla Y. Huff's article, What Publishers Want to See Most in a Book Proposal.
Also, Preditor and Editors has a sample novel query letter here that is nice and short (my favorite kind of query) and includes comments from Kerry Hanslits on why it's an effective letter.
Freeware caution: always scan free downloads of anything for bugs and other threats before dumping the programs into your hard drive.
1. CVitae freeware is mainly for resume writing and submission, but it has a cover letter section that might be helpful when you're putting together simultaneous submissions, or prefer to use/store the same query letter for your proposal. For a freeware program just for letter writing, check out The Form Letter Machine.
2. Shery Ma Belle Arrieta over at AbsoluteWrite.com offers Don't Fall Into The Query Letter Quandary!, an interview with John Wood, author of How to Write Attention-Grabbing Query & Cover Letters.
3. Absolute Write.com's Kelly James-Enger's article, Make the Perfect Pitch: The Novel Query.
4. Joe Nassise's post on Storytellers Unplugged, Novel Proposals.
5. Phrase Express is a clipboard utility freeware that allows you to organize, store and cut-n-paste frequently used text (like headers, openers, paragraphs and sig blocks from your query letter) into any application.
6. Beth Amos' article Query and Synopsis.
7. Fiction Connections' article on the do's and don'ts of Query Letters.
8. Terry Irene Blain's online free course, Basics of Writing the Romance Novel, includes lessons on the synopsis, query and proposal.
9. Jessica Page Morrell's article Tips on Writing a Synopsis.
10. Priscilla Y. Huff's article, What Publishers Want to See Most in a Book Proposal.
Also, Preditor and Editors has a sample novel query letter here that is nice and short (my favorite kind of query) and includes comments from Kerry Hanslits on why it's an effective letter.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Behind the Lines
Ten Writers' Opening Lines, and What They Were Thinking When They Wrote Them
1. "Call me Ishmael."
Yeah, good name. Not like Herman, you know. Herman. Oy. What am I, a Munster? What kind of mother names her kid that, anyway? I swear, that woman hated me from the minute I was born. I'm never going to write about women. Men only. Big, manly men. Big, manly men who piss off whales, and who aren't named Herman.
2. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way--in short, the period was so."
How do I start this book off then? Go with the positive claptrap, or the negative claptrap? Oh, ballocks, I'll write both. A big long useless paragraph of both. Let them think it was the dichotomy of my literary genius instead of this bloody damn bipolar disorder.
3. "I write this sitting in the kitchen sink."
I'm writing this sitting in the kitchen sink. Cool.
4. "Into whatever houses I enter, I will go into them for the benefit of the sick."
Decent quote opener. Not as much fun as the thinly-veiled anecdote about the colonel, the misplaced hot dog and how I almost got court martialed for laughing my ass off in a trauma room, but not like this is ever going to get published.
5. "Over the weekend the vultures got into the presidential palace by pecking through the screens on the balcony windows and the flapping of their wings stirred up the stagnant time inside, and at dawn on Monday the city awoke out of its lethargy of centuries with the warm, soft breeze of a great man dead and rotting grandeur."
Hello, my name is Gabriel, and I have period phobia, so I make my English translator, Sancho, use mostly commas to keep my beautiful prose from being interrupted by that sort of crude punctuation and allow me to drift into endless descriptions of my beautiful vultures which remind me of the prostitutes I ogled as a boy in Cadiz . . . or was it Madrid . . . [margin note: Sancho! My God! Not ellipses! They spawn!]
6. "Shortly before being shot in the back with a tranquilizer dart and dumped half-dazed on a stretcher, right before being stolen from the hospital by silent men in white coats, Elena Baxter stood at the end of a dying child's bed, her hand on a small bare foot, and attempted to perform a miracle."
Baby, you just got backstory-opening-line whomped.
7. "...so then the guy sits up on the stretcher, says 'I don't feel so good,' and turns this incredible shade of blue."
Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has just turned on the fasten your seatbelts sign. So buckle up. Right now.
8. "The day broke gray and dull."
Take that, you dark and stormy night writers.
9. "The last camel collapsed at noon."
What will remind my editor that he hasn't sent me my advance check for this novel yet? Last straw . . . camel . . . got it.
10. "The story that follows is one I never intended to commit to paper."
I got a big book deal and you didn't, neener neener neener.
1. "Call me Ishmael."
Yeah, good name. Not like Herman, you know. Herman. Oy. What am I, a Munster? What kind of mother names her kid that, anyway? I swear, that woman hated me from the minute I was born. I'm never going to write about women. Men only. Big, manly men. Big, manly men who piss off whales, and who aren't named Herman.
2. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way--in short, the period was so."
How do I start this book off then? Go with the positive claptrap, or the negative claptrap? Oh, ballocks, I'll write both. A big long useless paragraph of both. Let them think it was the dichotomy of my literary genius instead of this bloody damn bipolar disorder.
3. "I write this sitting in the kitchen sink."
I'm writing this sitting in the kitchen sink. Cool.
4. "Into whatever houses I enter, I will go into them for the benefit of the sick."
Decent quote opener. Not as much fun as the thinly-veiled anecdote about the colonel, the misplaced hot dog and how I almost got court martialed for laughing my ass off in a trauma room, but not like this is ever going to get published.
5. "Over the weekend the vultures got into the presidential palace by pecking through the screens on the balcony windows and the flapping of their wings stirred up the stagnant time inside, and at dawn on Monday the city awoke out of its lethargy of centuries with the warm, soft breeze of a great man dead and rotting grandeur."
Hello, my name is Gabriel, and I have period phobia, so I make my English translator, Sancho, use mostly commas to keep my beautiful prose from being interrupted by that sort of crude punctuation and allow me to drift into endless descriptions of my beautiful vultures which remind me of the prostitutes I ogled as a boy in Cadiz . . . or was it Madrid . . . [margin note: Sancho! My God! Not ellipses! They spawn!]
6. "Shortly before being shot in the back with a tranquilizer dart and dumped half-dazed on a stretcher, right before being stolen from the hospital by silent men in white coats, Elena Baxter stood at the end of a dying child's bed, her hand on a small bare foot, and attempted to perform a miracle."
Baby, you just got backstory-opening-line whomped.
7. "...so then the guy sits up on the stretcher, says 'I don't feel so good,' and turns this incredible shade of blue."
Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has just turned on the fasten your seatbelts sign. So buckle up. Right now.
8. "The day broke gray and dull."
Take that, you dark and stormy night writers.
9. "The last camel collapsed at noon."
What will remind my editor that he hasn't sent me my advance check for this novel yet? Last straw . . . camel . . . got it.
10. "The story that follows is one I never intended to commit to paper."
I got a big book deal and you didn't, neener neener neener.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
The New CSI
Senior Editor Horatio Caine strode into his office, eyeing two stacks of unread manuscripts and his beautiful but unattainable assistant, who stood waiting with notepad in hand. "You okay?"
Yelena gave him a hostile but smoldering look.
"The next time you want to take a swing at someone, start with me." He tossed his shades onto the desk and dropped into his chair, swiveling around to contemplate the upper Manhattan skyline. "Be on the lookout for an Eastern European male with bad teeth who may have access to an ape."
"Porque -- uh, why?"
"He's my new science fiction author." Horatio chucked the new issue of Publishers Weekly into the trash can beside his desk and punched his intercom button. "Calleigh," he said, letting his voice drop to an intimate rasp. "I need you."
A moment later, copy editor Calleigh Duquesne marched in, trailed by production designer John Hagen. Her china doll features reflected the light with all the depth and animation of cheap imported stoneware. "Yes, sir?"
Yelena tossed her long dark mane, gave Horatio a contemptuous but smoldering glance, and stalked out.
"We are being detoured into the land of make-believe," Horatio announced.
A tiny wrinkle chased itself across Calleigh's brow. "But sir, isn't that our . . . job?"
"Tomorrow's what you make of it. John." His gaze slashed over to the production designer. "I have cover art here with a cartoon dolphin on it. You know how I feel about cartoon dolphin art. Tell me about the cartoon dolphin, John."
Hagen swallowed and shifted on his feet. "Well."
Horatio nodded. "Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?"
Hagen's shoulders moved. "I didn't think it'd look too good."
"Well, it doesn't look too good right now." Horatio tossed the sketch across the desk. "Do it again. Do it right. Do it and get it back to me and make it the best job you've ever done and John?" He shot to his feet, lunged forward, and dragged John forward by the tie until their faces were only an inch apart. "I don't want to see another cartoon dolphin for as long as you work for me," Horatio whispered. "Are we clear?"
Hagen's head drooped forward. "Yeah."
Horatio released the tie and waved them both out. As they left, he heard Hagen mumble, "That's one hell of a lonely road he's walking" and Calleigh murmur, "I know. That's why I'm walking it with him."
Yelena sauntered in. "The publicity budget reports." She tossed a file across the desk at him, and planted her hands on her hips. "My mother called. Ray Jr. didn't come home from school. She thinks he's at the bookstore reading manga again." She gave him a sorrowful but smoldering look. "Do something, Horatio."
"You lie down with the Devil," Horatio reminded her, "you wake up in Publishing. Don't say anything to anyone at any time until I say so. I'll take care of it on my lunch hour." He smiled as a dark, sultry woman shoved Yelena aside. "Alexx."
"Horatio. Someday you're going to have to tell me what idiot spelled my name with two X's. Girl, don't you be looking at me like that. I'll kick your Latina ass." As Yelena stomped out, Alexx produced a brilliant smile and a heavily marked-up galley. "Finished the work up on this one. Typesetter slaughtered the poor thing. I found 363 mistaken spellings of the protagonist's name alone."
"363." Horatio sat down and swiveled a little in his chair.
"Yeah." Alexx's voice softened. "Real shame to see such a pretty story end up like this. It's going to kill the author."
"I will get whoever did this to her," Horatio said, leaning forward. "I promise you that. Do you know why?"
Alexx sighed. "Because this is CSI: Editing."
"Exactly." Horatio folded his hands behind his head and leaned back. "And. We. Never. Close."
Yelena gave him a hostile but smoldering look.
"The next time you want to take a swing at someone, start with me." He tossed his shades onto the desk and dropped into his chair, swiveling around to contemplate the upper Manhattan skyline. "Be on the lookout for an Eastern European male with bad teeth who may have access to an ape."
"Porque -- uh, why?"
"He's my new science fiction author." Horatio chucked the new issue of Publishers Weekly into the trash can beside his desk and punched his intercom button. "Calleigh," he said, letting his voice drop to an intimate rasp. "I need you."
A moment later, copy editor Calleigh Duquesne marched in, trailed by production designer John Hagen. Her china doll features reflected the light with all the depth and animation of cheap imported stoneware. "Yes, sir?"
Yelena tossed her long dark mane, gave Horatio a contemptuous but smoldering glance, and stalked out.
"We are being detoured into the land of make-believe," Horatio announced.
A tiny wrinkle chased itself across Calleigh's brow. "But sir, isn't that our . . . job?"
"Tomorrow's what you make of it. John." His gaze slashed over to the production designer. "I have cover art here with a cartoon dolphin on it. You know how I feel about cartoon dolphin art. Tell me about the cartoon dolphin, John."
Hagen swallowed and shifted on his feet. "Well."
Horatio nodded. "Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?"
Hagen's shoulders moved. "I didn't think it'd look too good."
"Well, it doesn't look too good right now." Horatio tossed the sketch across the desk. "Do it again. Do it right. Do it and get it back to me and make it the best job you've ever done and John?" He shot to his feet, lunged forward, and dragged John forward by the tie until their faces were only an inch apart. "I don't want to see another cartoon dolphin for as long as you work for me," Horatio whispered. "Are we clear?"
Hagen's head drooped forward. "Yeah."
Horatio released the tie and waved them both out. As they left, he heard Hagen mumble, "That's one hell of a lonely road he's walking" and Calleigh murmur, "I know. That's why I'm walking it with him."
Yelena sauntered in. "The publicity budget reports." She tossed a file across the desk at him, and planted her hands on her hips. "My mother called. Ray Jr. didn't come home from school. She thinks he's at the bookstore reading manga again." She gave him a sorrowful but smoldering look. "Do something, Horatio."
"You lie down with the Devil," Horatio reminded her, "you wake up in Publishing. Don't say anything to anyone at any time until I say so. I'll take care of it on my lunch hour." He smiled as a dark, sultry woman shoved Yelena aside. "Alexx."
"Horatio. Someday you're going to have to tell me what idiot spelled my name with two X's. Girl, don't you be looking at me like that. I'll kick your Latina ass." As Yelena stomped out, Alexx produced a brilliant smile and a heavily marked-up galley. "Finished the work up on this one. Typesetter slaughtered the poor thing. I found 363 mistaken spellings of the protagonist's name alone."
"363." Horatio sat down and swiveled a little in his chair.
"Yeah." Alexx's voice softened. "Real shame to see such a pretty story end up like this. It's going to kill the author."
"I will get whoever did this to her," Horatio said, leaning forward. "I promise you that. Do you know why?"
Alexx sighed. "Because this is CSI: Editing."
"Exactly." Horatio folded his hands behind his head and leaned back. "And. We. Never. Close."
Friday, October 20, 2006
Friday 20
All is well at Casa PBW. Family and pets are healthy, writing rolling along, current deadlines met, latest proposal approved, problematic cover art being fixed, new pitches well-received, way overdue letters to loved ones written and sent, house clean, shopping finished, laundry done, blog updated (we will not discuss e-mail) and I got an early copy of the mass market edition of Afterburn from my very kind SF editor, which I think I'll do a little giveaway for next week. The book, not the editor. You can't have her.
I may be a nice boss and give myself half a day off this weekend to take the kids and the pup to the big dog park on the other side of town. We love the dog park. Plus we won't be here when the flaming meteor crashes into the house and levels it or burns it down. Stuff like that always happens any time I get things running this smoothly.
So what's up in your corner of the writing world? Has it been a dog park or fiery meteor week? Any questions for me?
I may be a nice boss and give myself half a day off this weekend to take the kids and the pup to the big dog park on the other side of town. We love the dog park. Plus we won't be here when the flaming meteor crashes into the house and levels it or burns it down. Stuff like that always happens any time I get things running this smoothly.
So what's up in your corner of the writing world? Has it been a dog park or fiery meteor week? Any questions for me?
Thursday, October 19, 2006
E-book Challenge Update
Writers are strange creatures when we're under the WIP. Sometimes the pressure makes us doers, achievers and innovators. Other times it turns us into wafflers, procrastinators and fraidy-cats. Add in a rapidly-evaporating deadline, and writers turn into word slingers juggling story dynamite that's oozing rewrite nitro. One wrong move on the page and BOOM, it all falls to pieces.
Folks, we've got less than two weeks left. It's Tough Love time.
I wanted to use this post to assure the self-doubters out there that you don't have to finish anything. The easiest thing in the world to do with a WIP is to shove it in a drawer and make the usual excuses: "I didn't have time to polish/finish/do it right, but I'll get back to it/try again/give it an overhaul another time." No one will bitch at you for missing this challenge, not even me. The world is very understanding about the artist's struggle. Nothing bad will ever be said about a half-finished manuscript in a drawer that no one will ever see. Win/win/win.
Actually I think it's a very smart way to write. You can do whatever you want and you don't have to follow through or finish it. You'll never have to go out on a limb, or be subjected to ridicule, or risk rejection. Your suffering and struggle will snag you lots of sympathy. You'll never get published, and me and the other published writers out here will never have to compete on the shelf with you, but you'll be safe. Maybe after you're dead someone will discover all those partials and do something with them. Litter boxes and bird cages always need liners, right?
If I happen to think you're better than that, that you have more spine than that, then I could just be wrong. Sometimes I am. Not often, but sometimes.
I know a lot of you have already finished and have your links ready for me, so now for the all-important link e-mail instructions (which will be repeated again next week and in the days just before October 31st):
E-mail me at PBWChallenge@aol.com with the following:
The title and byline for your e-book
Example: Midnight Blues by Lynn Viehl
The URL for your e-book download file, or the URL for where your e-book can be read online.
Example: http://pbackwriter.blogspot.com
Optional (this will be included with your link listing on PBW):
A short (25 words or less) premise, teaser or description of your e-book.
Example: Lonely vampire cop fights to save human nun from immortal sadist who wants them both.
What genre, if any, your e-book is written in.
Examples: Dark Fantasy, Science Fiction, Fantasy, Romance, Mystery, Crime Fiction, etc.
Note: Do not send me the file for your e-book or any attachments.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
RenFaire Odds/Ends
I meant to do a ten things list on this topic but never got around to finishing it, and as the first item will go out of print soon, I thought I'd better post it now:
One of my favorite print magazines, Renaissance, is celebrating their 50th issue by featuring biography articles on the top 50 mystics, schemers, visionaries, scoundrels and bizarre men and women of the Middle Ages and Renaissance. This is a neat issue for anyone, especially if you write in or about those time periods.
For some insight on what it was like to live in Tudor-era England, Renaissance -- The Elizabethan World features an online and .pdf download of Life in Elizabethan England: A Compendium of Common Knowledge 1558-1603.
Daniel Traister has put together one of the most comprehensive links pages out there to online Renaissance Literature texts and studies, including a lot of Shakespeare-related links.
VoS, a website for humanities research, has pages of excellent links for Anglo-Saxon and Medieval Lit, Renaissance & 17th Century Lit and a lot more.
One of my favorite print magazines, Renaissance, is celebrating their 50th issue by featuring biography articles on the top 50 mystics, schemers, visionaries, scoundrels and bizarre men and women of the Middle Ages and Renaissance. This is a neat issue for anyone, especially if you write in or about those time periods.
For some insight on what it was like to live in Tudor-era England, Renaissance -- The Elizabethan World features an online and .pdf download of Life in Elizabethan England: A Compendium of Common Knowledge 1558-1603.
Daniel Traister has put together one of the most comprehensive links pages out there to online Renaissance Literature texts and studies, including a lot of Shakespeare-related links.
VoS, a website for humanities research, has pages of excellent links for Anglo-Saxon and Medieval Lit, Renaissance & 17th Century Lit and a lot more.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
FAQs
With the exception of Shannon Stacey, writers are very hot to put up FAQ pages about themselves. So are publishers. I'm FAQ-challenged, I guess. Or maybe it's because I can answer most questions with two basic responses: Just shut up and write or Wear some bunny slippers.
There's also that deja vu feeling I get when I read some FAQ pages; I flash back to reading all those job resumes from people who weren't qualified for a position I'd advertised. Or finding a Wikipedia bio that goes on and on and on for an author who only has two books in print; beautifully worded but complete B.S.
No one ever lists the real FAQs authors receive, like from:
Reviewers: Will you send me an ARC?
eBay Seller-Reviewers: I'm a huge fan -- will you send me a signed ARC?
Nonwriters: I have a great idea for a book -- will you write it for me, and let me publish it under my name, and I'll give you half of the royalties?
Yet to be Published Writers: Would you recommend me to your editor/agent?
Yet to be Published Paranoid Writers: Did you tell your editor/agent to reject me because you hate me?
Yet to be Published Egotistical Writers: Did you tell your editor/agent to reject me because you're jealous of me?
Colleagues: Can I get a quote from you? (always tagged with: My editor needs it next week so you don't have to actually read my manuscript.)
Single Colleague at Con: Will you have a drink with me?
Single Alcoholic Colleague at Con: Ayyyyy, buy me a widdle drink, shweetie?
Married Colleague at a Con: Pssstt! Would you stop by my room after 4 a.m., and use the stairs instead of the elevator?
New colleague: Did you know I read your books in middle school? (or) Wow, do you know you look SO much older in person?
Parent: When are you going to get a job?
Spouse: When are you going to get a REAL job?
Rookie Agent: Are you happy with how badly you're being represented?
Your New Editor: Can you come to my sixteenth birthday party?
If you're going to create an FAQ page and lie your ass off in the process, at least make the questions more entertaining, i.e.:
Weren't you the one who really broke up Brad and Jen?
Is it true that J.K. Rowling calls you when she hits a plot snarl?
Why did you turn down that huge recording contract with Def Jam?
How did you make your first billion?
I like hateful questions myself, so for fun I made up a PBW FAQs page with a few of those. To generate one of your own, stop by The Javascript Source's FAQs Maker.
Your turn: As a writer, what question are you most frequently asked? Be honest.
There's also that deja vu feeling I get when I read some FAQ pages; I flash back to reading all those job resumes from people who weren't qualified for a position I'd advertised. Or finding a Wikipedia bio that goes on and on and on for an author who only has two books in print; beautifully worded but complete B.S.
No one ever lists the real FAQs authors receive, like from:
Reviewers: Will you send me an ARC?
eBay Seller-Reviewers: I'm a huge fan -- will you send me a signed ARC?
Nonwriters: I have a great idea for a book -- will you write it for me, and let me publish it under my name, and I'll give you half of the royalties?
Yet to be Published Writers: Would you recommend me to your editor/agent?
Yet to be Published Paranoid Writers: Did you tell your editor/agent to reject me because you hate me?
Yet to be Published Egotistical Writers: Did you tell your editor/agent to reject me because you're jealous of me?
Colleagues: Can I get a quote from you? (always tagged with: My editor needs it next week so you don't have to actually read my manuscript.)
Single Colleague at Con: Will you have a drink with me?
Single Alcoholic Colleague at Con: Ayyyyy, buy me a widdle drink, shweetie?
Married Colleague at a Con: Pssstt! Would you stop by my room after 4 a.m., and use the stairs instead of the elevator?
New colleague: Did you know I read your books in middle school? (or) Wow, do you know you look SO much older in person?
Parent: When are you going to get a job?
Spouse: When are you going to get a REAL job?
Rookie Agent: Are you happy with how badly you're being represented?
Your New Editor: Can you come to my sixteenth birthday party?
If you're going to create an FAQ page and lie your ass off in the process, at least make the questions more entertaining, i.e.:
Weren't you the one who really broke up Brad and Jen?
Is it true that J.K. Rowling calls you when she hits a plot snarl?
Why did you turn down that huge recording contract with Def Jam?
How did you make your first billion?
I like hateful questions myself, so for fun I made up a PBW FAQs page with a few of those. To generate one of your own, stop by The Javascript Source's FAQs Maker.
Your turn: As a writer, what question are you most frequently asked? Be honest.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Notable Ten
Ten Things to Help with Your Writing Notes
Freeware caution: always scan free downloads of anything for bugs and other threats before dumping the programs into your hard drive.
1. BrainBox Pro is not just a flow chart maker and mind mapper freeware, but offers a set of writer's templates.
2. Mind-map your notes with Correlate Personal 2.5.
3. Freeware that gives you an endless digital scroll on which to capture, store and access all your notes, Evernote.
4. Another virtual sticky notes freeware, Hott Notes.
5. Replace your NotePad with the turbo-charged, multi-featured Notepad++.
6. PrestoNotes freeware takes virtual sticky notes to a whole new level.
7. Organize your notes, images and objects with Remlap KnowledgeBASE.
8. Another NotePad replacement freeware "designed to offer smoother and faster operation with comparable or more features at a file size of 32k or less", SavageEd.
9. The multi-purpose freeware Swizztool from SpecOp can serve as your virtual alarm clock, reminder, countdown timer, launcher and more.
10. Skynergy's TaskPrompt stores your to-do list and reminds you about it.
Also, a very kind note was left in comments on the Freeware and Online Tools Collection post by Anderson, author of Mobysaurus Thesaurus:
"If you are writing in ANY way helping society, just drop me an email, mentioning one of your published works (either online or offline), I'll be very happy to send you a life-time universal license (of course free) to all existing and future versions of Mobysaurus Thesaurus. (No fee or donation required) Also, free life-time universal site license is available to any educational, non-profit, charity (and alike) organization. (No fee or donation required)"
My sincere thanks to Anderson, as well as all the other hard-working programmers and software designers who donate so much of their time, talent and work to make freeware available on the internet.
Freeware caution: always scan free downloads of anything for bugs and other threats before dumping the programs into your hard drive.
1. BrainBox Pro is not just a flow chart maker and mind mapper freeware, but offers a set of writer's templates.
2. Mind-map your notes with Correlate Personal 2.5.
3. Freeware that gives you an endless digital scroll on which to capture, store and access all your notes, Evernote.
4. Another virtual sticky notes freeware, Hott Notes.
5. Replace your NotePad with the turbo-charged, multi-featured Notepad++.
6. PrestoNotes freeware takes virtual sticky notes to a whole new level.
7. Organize your notes, images and objects with Remlap KnowledgeBASE.
8. Another NotePad replacement freeware "designed to offer smoother and faster operation with comparable or more features at a file size of 32k or less", SavageEd.
9. The multi-purpose freeware Swizztool from SpecOp can serve as your virtual alarm clock, reminder, countdown timer, launcher and more.
10. Skynergy's TaskPrompt stores your to-do list and reminds you about it.
Also, a very kind note was left in comments on the Freeware and Online Tools Collection post by Anderson, author of Mobysaurus Thesaurus:
"If you are writing in ANY way helping society, just drop me an email, mentioning one of your published works (either online or offline), I'll be very happy to send you a life-time universal license (of course free) to all existing and future versions of Mobysaurus Thesaurus. (No fee or donation required) Also, free life-time universal site license is available to any educational, non-profit, charity (and alike) organization. (No fee or donation required)"
My sincere thanks to Anderson, as well as all the other hard-working programmers and software designers who donate so much of their time, talent and work to make freeware available on the internet.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Quickie
This one is for the NaNoWriMo'ers out there who are in need of a laptop or AlphaSmart but don't want to invest in buying one, and please note that the deadline for applying is October 16th (that's tomorrow):
"NaNoWriMo has a small lending library of AlphaSmart Neos and a variety of laptop computers for use by NaNoWriMo participants. The Neos are all brand-new and fully portable. The laptops not so much; their batteries have mostly died (so you'll be tethered to an outlet), and they're too pokey to get on the internet. But they do come with top-quality word processors, and have a long track record for churning out high-speed novels.
There is no fee to check out an AlphaSmart Neo or laptop from our library. NaNoWriMo will cover the costs of shipping the computer to you, but you will be responsible for paying the costs of shipping the computer back to us (typically about $25) by December 15th. Borrowers will be required to provide a $300 deposit for their unit, and send us a copy of their driver's license, passport, or other documentation."
To apply for one of NaNoWriMo's loaners, check out the details over at their loaner information page.
"NaNoWriMo has a small lending library of AlphaSmart Neos and a variety of laptop computers for use by NaNoWriMo participants. The Neos are all brand-new and fully portable. The laptops not so much; their batteries have mostly died (so you'll be tethered to an outlet), and they're too pokey to get on the internet. But they do come with top-quality word processors, and have a long track record for churning out high-speed novels.
There is no fee to check out an AlphaSmart Neo or laptop from our library. NaNoWriMo will cover the costs of shipping the computer to you, but you will be responsible for paying the costs of shipping the computer back to us (typically about $25) by December 15th. Borrowers will be required to provide a $300 deposit for their unit, and send us a copy of their driver's license, passport, or other documentation."
To apply for one of NaNoWriMo's loaners, check out the details over at their loaner information page.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Inscription No-Nos
Ten Things You Probably Shouldn't Inscribe in Your Novel
(dedicated to Miss Kate)
1. Being a bestselling author and the next great voice in American Literature does not make me your free therapist. Next time, tell your silly sob story about working two jobs just so you can afford to buy my books to the other low-income losers like you standing in line. Coldly, Ona Highhorse
2. Thanks for loving me, babe. Stop by Howard Johnson's tonight after the booksigning -- room 678. Bring some wine, silk stockings and condoms, and be ready to tie and spank. Lustfully, Dick Everhard
3. If you were really my devoted fan, you'd be buying more than one copy of this. So where's the love? Huh? Huh? Hotly, Dee Manding
4. My editor made me change like every other word in this book, and I can't stand the bitch, so if you don't enjoy it, would you write to my publisher and complain about the editing? Maybe they'll fire her this time. Gratefully, Don Touchmaprose
5. Nice free ARC, cheapskate. Stick a crowbar in your wallet next time and pay to buy a real book, and maybe then I'll sign it. And if I catch it on eBay? I'm going to sue your pants off. (Unsigned)
6. Please note that this is the first thing I've published since I caught my pond-scum ex cheating on me with my best friend. What a joke. That judge practically ordered him to be publicly stripped and flogged. He thought he could destroy my career as thoroughly as he did our marriage, but as you can see, I won. The house, the car, the tiumeshare in Epcott and the joint checking. And my best friend? You must read my review of her latest novel, hahahahahaha. Oooooh, and remember to pick up my next book, The Diseased Cowboy and the Runaway Bride Who Shoots Him in the Crotch, which got FIVE STARS at RomanceDitzes.com. Not that I gave them to myself. The initials J.D. are just a coincidence. Sincerely, Jess Divorced
7. Sorry I sneezed on this, but I did wipe the boogers off. Have you had a flu shot? Yours Truly, Rosie Nose
8. Spending $7.99 on this does not entitle you to have personal contact with me. Anywhere. Comprende? Stiffly, Hannah-Sandy Tizer
9. To the most boring person of indeterminate IQ whom I have ever encountered: I admire you for setting your sights so high, but I don't think you should attempt anything else of mine until you can read without moving your lips. Unaffectionately, Ima Snobb
10. You'll like this so much better than the last awful, clunky, ridiculous piece of trash which that drooling fat idiot cow who has the audacity to call herself a professional writer, Bertha Bigbucks, just published. And did you know she stole that plot from me? Righteously Yours, Vera Green
(dedicated to Miss Kate)
1. Being a bestselling author and the next great voice in American Literature does not make me your free therapist. Next time, tell your silly sob story about working two jobs just so you can afford to buy my books to the other low-income losers like you standing in line. Coldly, Ona Highhorse
2. Thanks for loving me, babe. Stop by Howard Johnson's tonight after the booksigning -- room 678. Bring some wine, silk stockings and condoms, and be ready to tie and spank. Lustfully, Dick Everhard
3. If you were really my devoted fan, you'd be buying more than one copy of this. So where's the love? Huh? Huh? Hotly, Dee Manding
4. My editor made me change like every other word in this book, and I can't stand the bitch, so if you don't enjoy it, would you write to my publisher and complain about the editing? Maybe they'll fire her this time. Gratefully, Don Touchmaprose
5. Nice free ARC, cheapskate. Stick a crowbar in your wallet next time and pay to buy a real book, and maybe then I'll sign it. And if I catch it on eBay? I'm going to sue your pants off. (Unsigned)
6. Please note that this is the first thing I've published since I caught my pond-scum ex cheating on me with my best friend. What a joke. That judge practically ordered him to be publicly stripped and flogged. He thought he could destroy my career as thoroughly as he did our marriage, but as you can see, I won. The house, the car, the tiumeshare in Epcott and the joint checking. And my best friend? You must read my review of her latest novel, hahahahahaha. Oooooh, and remember to pick up my next book, The Diseased Cowboy and the Runaway Bride Who Shoots Him in the Crotch, which got FIVE STARS at RomanceDitzes.com. Not that I gave them to myself. The initials J.D. are just a coincidence. Sincerely, Jess Divorced
7. Sorry I sneezed on this, but I did wipe the boogers off. Have you had a flu shot? Yours Truly, Rosie Nose
8. Spending $7.99 on this does not entitle you to have personal contact with me. Anywhere. Comprende? Stiffly, Hannah-Sandy Tizer
9. To the most boring person of indeterminate IQ whom I have ever encountered: I admire you for setting your sights so high, but I don't think you should attempt anything else of mine until you can read without moving your lips. Unaffectionately, Ima Snobb
10. You'll like this so much better than the last awful, clunky, ridiculous piece of trash which that drooling fat idiot cow who has the audacity to call herself a professional writer, Bertha Bigbucks, just published. And did you know she stole that plot from me? Righteously Yours, Vera Green
Friday, October 13, 2006
Off to Write
I have to bail on you guys again to sort out a proposal in the works, so there will be no Friday 20 this week, and I may end up missing in action over the weekend.
To make it up to you, I got a nice tip on a very cool promotion being done for No Plot? No Problem!, a novel-writing kit by NaNoWriMo's founder, Chris Baty. Stop by Chronicle Book's contest page and enter for free to win a pretty-much-all-expenses-paid trip to the San Francisco Writer's Conference, February 16-18, 2007 (Deadlines -- contest ends Dec. 15th 2006 at midnight; the Winner will be notified on Mon. Dec. 18th. No purchase necessary, but if you win, you have to tell me and I get to gloat.)
If I don't emerge from the abyss of rewrites, have a good weekend.
To make it up to you, I got a nice tip on a very cool promotion being done for No Plot? No Problem!, a novel-writing kit by NaNoWriMo's founder, Chris Baty. Stop by Chronicle Book's contest page and enter for free to win a pretty-much-all-expenses-paid trip to the San Francisco Writer's Conference, February 16-18, 2007 (Deadlines -- contest ends Dec. 15th 2006 at midnight; the Winner will be notified on Mon. Dec. 18th. No purchase necessary, but if you win, you have to tell me and I get to gloat.)
If I don't emerge from the abyss of rewrites, have a good weekend.
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